Bible Teaching

Calvary Temple Teaching Library

Father's Day

It's a privilege to have that opportunity, really, to not only be able to be loved, and I sense that from a number of people, but the privilege of allowing Father to love through us. Amen? And that's what I want to talk about a little bit today, Father's Day. Happy Father's Day to all of you fathers! What a blessing to be part of a ministry that really--not only here, but in Africa--Very strange, our churches are full of men. Isn't that exciting! Most churches are full of women. One thing that has stood out about this ministry for years and years has been that it's a ministry that is full of men, fathers that are willing to raise up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. I just want to say, "Well done," praise God. Happy Father's Day to all of you!

Let's turn to the book of Ephesians as we look at what it's really all about. I want to talk about five characteristics of a good father. Now, don't all of you children start keeping a score card, that's not what it's for. It's just to help us understand how much we are loved by our Father. The scriptural principle is: When you're finally able to receive and accept that love, it is so easy to give it. "...freely ye have received, freely give" (Matthew 10:8). When we learn how much our Father loves us, it becomes natural, then, to love our children.

In Ephesians we see the Lord speaking to us. Chapter six, the book of Ephesians, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) [We've talked about that many times, haven't we? That promise that if you honor your father and mother you'll live long on the earth; and if you don't, in the Old Testament, they'd stone you to death. That shortened things up really quick. That's how it worked then. If you honored father and mother you'd live long. There's a promise there.] That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. [Then it says,] And, ye fathers, [verse 4] provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

We want to talk about these character traits and to see how our Father loves us and how He ministers His grace to us; the goodness of God and the mercies of God. "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord [the Scripture says] pitieth them that fear him" (Psalm 103:13). He knows our frame, that we're dust. So many times, as fathers, we're so hard on our kids. Many times the motivation is because we want them to be better than we are, and that's not too difficult so don't worry about that. We want life better for them. We sometimes, tragically, live vicariously through our children. We're wanting to gain recognition through our children's performance, their success, the fact that they're wealthy, the fact that they're in prominent positions. Many times, parents, we want our kids to be successful so that others would think that we're good parents. A lot of times the motives are not right, but I think basically, for most of us, we just want our children to be happy. We want them to do well.

One of the big mistakes in wanting this for our children is that we forget we have to train them, that it's not going to come naturally. Discipline is not going to come naturally. Talents that may be innate have to be cultivated; we have to work with our kids. Some of us aren't patient enough. Some of us think that our children are going to be carbon copies of ourselves, so we're very short when they can't do things as quickly as we caught on. Many times we forget how long it took us to catch on. So here we are now and we're mature and we're wondering, "What's wrong with you?" We're going to play catch with our little kid and we stand him over there in the corner (and he's two) and we fire in about an 80 mile an hour fast ball at him and he takes one on the head. We say, "What's wrong? Catch the ball!" We want to throw the ball to him. "Watch the ball. Keep your eye on the ball." We don't realize many times that kids' coordination hasn't really developed yet. Before they even have the chance to physiologically develop and be able to do what we're asking them to do, we've already told them they're failures. "What's wrong with you? Can't you do anything right?"

Provoke not your children to wrath is a very interesting phrase. It means "to not make bitter." Basically, asking or requiring somebody to do what they're not yet capable to do, or asking them to perform without having given them proper instruction. As fathers, we need to make sure that they have proper instruction. The best thing to do is hands-on. Let me give you an example of this. How many of you, you buy this thing, whatever it is, and you whip out the instructions and you start to read them, and what's the first thing you do? You toss those babies, right? Most of us aren't really good at written instructions. Some of us are better at verbal instructions. But most of us learn by (what?) experience, hands-on. Somebody shows you and says, "Here. Put this there and turn it this way." And we say, "Gotcha." If you want your children to be able to be raised up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, don't tell them to pray, show them how to pray. Don't tell them to go read their Bible, sit down with them and just share with them on their level on what the Word of God is saying, what the Lord has spoken to you through the Word, hands-on.

We've shared it with the pastors so many times so that their kids are not bitter against the ministry. You see, a lot of preachers' kids are provoked because Dad's always gone. He's out preaching a meeting somewhere, he's counseling your kids, he's counseling you. In so many churches, he's up at the church cutting the lawn and washing the windows and doing whatever. Thank God after years and years that we're able to see that it's a body ministry and it's not a professional clergy. We've learned that, and we don't have that problem here, but so many ministers have. Kids have been embittered against the ministry. One of the things that we've always tried to do is include the kids in the ministry.

Tony Wozniak was just saying when we were over in Africa, one of his first vivid memories of meeting me in one of the meetings there in New York--I remember him coming in with his long hippie hair and some leather coat on with the Indian fringe hanging down. He was standing in the back of the room salivating on our tape table. I got talking to him, and I saw that this kid had a real hunger for God so I gave him one of our books for free. I saw his face light up and so we handed him a couple of different teaching tapes (series of teaching tapes). He went away and began to saturate himself in our teaching. Then he got a settlement, somebody had hit him in a car accident. He was on a bike or something and somebody hit him, so he got a settlement and bought every tape we had. At that time, I can't remember what it was; it was probably five or six hundred tapes. He locked himself in a room for 18 hours a day, for months and months and months, and all he did was listen to those teachings. And to this day--we're in Africa, Greer and I are in the room next to them--and they can't go to sleep without my voice, he and Karen (I'm serious!) no matter where they are. Now I don't know if that's a compliment--but for so many years they would fall asleep every night listening to teaching tapes. That's just part of their lives.

Tony said one of the things that stands out to him as he remembers that back there at the tape table he remembers seeing Star, just able to look over the table, selling tapes. You make them a part so that they're not provoked. Let me encourage you in whatever it is that you're doing, make your kids a part. Don't let them sit in there and play a video game. Have them come out and help you in the garage. Have them help you in the yard. If you're going down to Home Depot, let them suffer and take them with you down there, and let them stand there with you in line and watch all of the strange looking people go by. Just talk with them and include them in your life. Instruct them hands-on about life.

And he goes on in this passage and he says, "...provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." The word nurture, of course, we all know is "instruction." This word admonition means "to put into the mind by repetition." We know it in a more secular term as "brainwashing." By repetition, just continue to speak the biblical principles of life into your children so that we're they're old, the Scripture says, they won't depart from them. The Old Testament principle was to take the Word of God and to put it over the doorpost, to keep it always before your eyes. Of course, today when you see a Hasidic Jew, you'll see them with those little leather boxes on their heads. Have you ever wondered what that was? That's the Scriptures in that little box. That little leather box on their head, trying to fulfill literally that Scripture to keep it ever before their eyes. As fathers, talk of the Word when you rise up and when you lie down and when you walk in the way. Everything has to do with the Word of God. What the Word has to say about how we respond to that person that just gave us a "high one" as they passed us in traffic. How do you respond to the adversities of life when there are layoffs? How we respond to all of the different situations in life that others have: sicknesses, and in our generation the busy schedule where you show them the priorities of life and you don't forsake the assembling of yourselves together. You're seeking to be knit into the body of Christ, as Ephesians admonishes us. That's what it means to nurture them. To instruct them by example and through repetition just to make them, by second nature, respond as the Word of God requires us.

Fathers, it is our responsibility to train our children, to be involved in our children's lives. That's not something that's left up to Mom. So it's vitally important. Number one, be involved with your children. Be involved with your children. Don't just make provision for your children; be involved with your children. "Well, I've given them the best schooling, I've sent them to the best schools, we've hired tutors to come in, they have the best computers that available today, they have all of the finest clothing." Yeah, but do they have Dad involved in their life? That is the greatest treasure and the greatest stabilizing factor. What is it, as a child of God that you value most? Your Father's presence. When you know God's present, you feel safe. You're pretty secure, you're sure in the decisions that you're making because you're at peace, because Father's there, the presence of God is there. We talked about the presence a little bit on Wednesday night. It's important, beloved, that we be involved in our children's lives.

Turn over to James for just a second and let me show you a couple of other things. We can't be exhaustive on these points. I just want to go over a couple of them and just encourage you on this Father's Day to treat your children like your Father treats you. James, chapter 1, verse 17, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. Of his own will begat he us with the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures." Every good and every perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights. Well, you say, "Praise God, I'm already fulfilling that; I am a gift giver. My kids get gifts every time we go to the store." No, I'm not talking about that. What I want you to see hear is that there is no variableness neither shadow of turning. Are you consistent? Is your life one of consistency? This word variableness is talking about "immutability; no change." Are you the same all the time? Are your judgments the same? In other words, kids know the boundaries.

I was telling somebody the other day, and I don't remember if I mentioned it in service or if I was just talking to someone individually. I heard one of the radio teachers, and I can't think of his name--I think he used to be in Santa Cruz, pastored a church our there, and he's in Georgia now with a radio ministry. He was talking about one of his children. I think he had four children and he talked about them being trained all the same and yet how kids are different. He talked about this one--his one son was just driving him nuts. He said he would never just suggest doing this; it needs to be done prayerfully, it needs to be done by the wisdom of God and the unction of God. He said, no matter what he did, nothing was getting through to this kid. Finally, he came up to his son--I don't know how old he was, he was 17 years old I guess--and he finally went to his son and said, "Look son. It's obvious that you have no respect for me as your father. You have no regard for the Word of God as the standard of this household. It's obvious that it's time for you to go somewhere else. You don't fit into this family."

He said that the boy turned and walked away and went into his room. He said he was literally in there for like a day and a half. The father said, then, very soon after that he was walking down the hall and his son came out of the room, his countenance had changed. He had a smile on his face and he said, "Hey Dad." He walked by and the father said he looked at him and wondered who this stranger was in the house, and he watched him go by and he thought, "Hmm." So, he said that he watched him for a few days and he was just happy, and around the house doing everything he was supposed to do. He said, "I kept my eye on him, because I knew he was a con man and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was watching him and after a while I stopped and said,

'What's going on?'

'What do you mean?'

'You're totally different.'

'Yeah, I know.'

'Well, what happened?'

'I just wanted to know where the boundaries were. I just needed to know where the boundaries were, and you didn't move. You didn't move off the Word, you were consistent. I realized the cost of independence. I have a father that loves me, a mother that loves me, a family. I've rejected the Word of God, and I knew that Father loved me but I just wanted to go and serve my own flesh. It's just not worth it. I decided to follow my father's God because He's done you good all of the days of your life. Dad, you never swayed. You were always the same. You stood on the Word of God. Thank you.'"

He said that the boy just been on the path consistently from there on.

Many fathers think that love is compromising. "Well, you know, this is going to make him mad." I want to tell you something: I'm not looking for my children to love me this week; I'm looking for them to love me ten years from now. Think about that, some of you young parents. I'm not worried about them loving me this week; I want them to love me ten years from now. Many of us make decisions trying to get some type of an immediate gratification, making sure that our kids are not upset with us. Build a relationship, build respect, show them consistency so that they can finish the race (praise God) so that when you're old they'll rise up and call you blessed. Amen? Do you want to be a good father? Don't change the course. Don't waver in any biblical principle that your family is operating on. I'm not talking about your pet peeves. I'm not talking about your preferences to where you won't yield your will. We're not talking about your will; we're talking about the Word of God, the truth of the Word of God. To be a better parent, you should be able to be flexible and yield in your will, but not God's will.

Be consistent in portraying the Word of God. The giver of every good and perfect gift: Truth, the righteousness of God. But the key point we want to talk about here is immutability: Always the Word, always the same judgments, always the same in being able to be approachable. You don't spare for the crying, you can't be conned, you can't be bought; you're just always the same. "I am the Lord, I change not." What are we doing? We're just giving them a visual of our Heavenly Father. Somebody that they can look and identify with and say, "That's what God is like, but to perfection. Now, if my father is going to hold me accountable, how much more my Heavenly Father. I'd better get my act together." It is so important that we be involved with our children and that we be consistent (so important!), involvement, consistency, if we're going to be able to represent our Father properly.

Turn over to the book of Luke for just a second and let's look at another very important aspect. Luke, chapter 12, verse 32. "Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." Every thing we do, we do out of love and not obligation. Your kids will know if you're just fulfilling the fatherhood role or whether you love them. It is your Father's good pleasure to give you His kingdom, to make available what God has blessed you with, for your children. Now there's a balance there, isn't there? We could give them everything and cause them to not develop character, but don't think for a moment think that providing things for your children is going to rob them of character either. You can watch in your own families, two different children. You can provide the same thing and one will develop character and the other one won't. Character development is a personal decision. We as parents have a natural desire to provide for our children.

I've shared with you a number of times a statement that Kimberly made when she was younger. Someone had come up to her and said--Father had blessed us and I believe because of those blessings I've been able to share that with my children. My kids have been able to travel numerous places with us and enjoy a lot of different things in life because Father has blessed us. We've always made it known that it was Father blessing us, it wasn't anything that we did, it wasn't because we were special. It was just because God blessed us in His sovereignty. We don't deserve it, but we don't despise it. We delight in it. We give God glory. We boast in Him as our provider. We believe that the rain falls upon the just and the unjust. We walk in contentment and with thanksgiving. We've tried to teach that, and in the process someone came up to Kimberly one time and said, "Boy, you're sure spoiled." And she said, "Yeah I am, but not rotten." Some people are spoiled rotten. Some people are just spoiled. What do you called spoiled? Just getting what you don't deserve, just getting abundance because somebody loves you. How many of you are spoiled? Amen? God has spoiled us. He's chosen us. He sought us, we didn't seek Him. He pours out His blessings upon us, praise God. We're all spoiled people, because we have a Father who dotes on us, who's given us all things that pertain to life and godliness, who's opened the windows of heaven and poured out blessings that we cannot contain, whose presence is with us. We're a blessed people.

Fathers, are you working just for yourselves, or are you delighting in being able to give to your children? "Oh, I'm not giving anything to my children, bless God. They're going to earn it themselves like me so that they'll appreciate it!" They may appreciate it but they won't appreciate you! They'll be the same hard-headed, prideful person that you are. It is a very humbling thing to receive just because somebody loves you. It's a very humbling thing to be loved absolutely, freely, without any performance being necessary, just because it's the Father's pleasure to give you His wealth. I'm not just talking things here beloved. You don't have to have stuff. We're not talking material things. The kingdom of God is not meat or drink, it's righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost. Amen? What do you have to give your kids? If you have some material stuff, praise God. Bless them. Bless them with the wisdom you have. Bless them with your example of contentment. Bless them with your presence because a child's glory is their father. Make yourself available. Be consistent. Be a giver. Give of yourself. You see, in men, it's such a tendency to take, to acquire, and to amass to ourselves. Be ready to be inclusive and give. Name the business, "God and Sons." Aren't you glad that we're the sons of God? "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that [you] should be called the sons of God...and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is" (1 John 3:1,2). What manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us that we should be called the sons of God. It's your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom, to include you.

Now look over for just a second at the fifteenth chapter of Luke and we'll find one other principle that is important here, just as we're talking about Father's Day. Aren't you glad that Father doesn't require performance out of you? I've shared with you, especially in my generation, we were a performance generation. We didn't have the parents that would dote upon their kids like we do today. I don't know if my father ever told me he loved me. I don't know if I can ever recall hearing that. We've got so many people my age, my generation, that talk about that. "My father never told me he loved me, he never hugged me." Well, get over it! Do you want to know who these men were? These were men that at 16 years of age went into a world war and watched hundreds and thousands of men massacred before their own eyes, had to take human lives to bring freedom to this country and who would never be the same again; who, 40 years later, still have nightmares, and you're worried about your hug? Get over yourself, and remember who these men were. I agree with Brokaw's book, The Great Generation. I think those men were the greatest generation that this nation has ever seen. It's tragic and it's a shame to see, two generations later, a bunch of wimps walking around with tattoos and piercings and don't have a clue what it means. Okay, my pet peeve is over. Let's go on.

Thank God for those of us that have embraced Father's love without a performance orientation are able to express that. It's only as you commune with Father, because when you've been raised naturally in this one environment that's how you respond so many times. In my natural man I respond the same way that I was raised. For years I related to my heavenly Father that same way. It was performance: It was how much I prayed, it was how much I studied, it was whether or not I was able to walk in sanctification. When any of the besetting sins in my life were suppressed, I was walking victoriously and I had joy and I had peace; one slip up and my world would come down. Then, not too many years ago I discovered Father's love, the real love of God. Many of you here are aware of when it took place; you could see the change. There's such a liberty, and there's such a peace, and there's such an enabling to now love as you've been loved. Standards don't change, the requirements don't change; you're just able to be more patient and more gracious. You're able to move into Luke 15, verse 11, "A certain man had two sons: [You know the story.] And the younger of them...wasted his substance [and the other one stayed home and had a works relationship with Father, not a love relationship but a works relationship. We know the story of the prodigal. He came to himself, and one thing had stood out to him, verse 17] And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! [My father takes care of even his servants. He's a fair man, he's a merciful man. I no longer deserve sonship, but I know one thing: If I go back my father will provide for me at least as a servant. I don't deserve to be a son.] I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. [I know you're just, and I know you're loving, and I know you're merciful; can I sign on as a servant?] And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him."

Dads, you can never show too much compassion and mercy. The standards don't change, but we love as we've been loved. You'll find that, most of all, the things that cause the greatest grief are the things that you identify in your own life. And because you hate them so much in your life, you hate them more in your children. It's not always conveyed properly that it's the sin that's hated. The child is not always able to discern between the two. Because we haven't received love of father, we are performance oriented and we hold that to the children and we say, "If you don't perform, you don't receive; you don't get anything." That's not the way our Father responds. That's not the way this illustration of our Father's love is unfolded to us. "...when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion ...But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet...For this my son [verse 24] was dead, and is alive again..." It's really pretty simple isn't it? It's the simplest of all biblical principles: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Do you know that goes for your kids? We seem to think that sometimes there's a different standard. It's the law of God, it's how the kingdom operates. This is the admonition of Father to us, and it's the example to us of what true love is and how we can be a father that would best exemplify our Father God.

Most of you are doing a tremendous job. We commend you, and I think the evidence of this is in the godly seed that we see. Children that love God, that are going to be a greater generation than ourselves, I believe, should the Lord tarry. All I want to do is encourage you not to be weary in your well doing. It's going to get tougher. We're dealing with a spirit today that is so seductive and so powerful, as everything around us screams, "Tolerance! Compromise!" Stay the course.

Turn to Proverbs and we'll end with this for this morning. It is a little early that we're ending, but I have nice filet waiting to barbecue for Father's Day. Proverbs, chapter 3, verse 11, "My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth." Teach your children to love chastening, to delight in it. Now we know that the chastening, the rod and reproof, is grievous for the moment. We know that it works the peaceable fruit of righteousness in us, but if we could instruct our children, "This is the way of life." "Correction and instruction is the way of life," the wise man tells us. It never goes away. You're not going to outgrow the need for counsel, instruction, correction. There is no such thing as total independence and freedom. As we instruct our children in this and cause them to delight in reproof, in correction, in getting counsel and direction, then it's going to bring us that happiness that so many people are seeking. For "Happy [verse 13 says] is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding." If we could bring our children to that, we've done a good job. They will rise up and called us, "Blessed."

Father, we do thank You for Your love and for Your presence in our lives. We stand in awe of that love, totally humbled. Now, that's a given in the presence of a holy God; but Father, our natural children will also stand in awe as we, as your representatives, love as we've been loved. Let them catch a glimpse of You in us, is our heart's desire Father. Help us to go beyond ourselves through death, that You might be all in all. As fathers, the greatest gift we could give our children is a glimpse of their heavenly Father. Grant it, and we'll worship You, Father, declaring Your greatness and say as John ten, "My Father is greater than all." That is our testimony today. In Jesus' name, amen. Before you go, turn to somebody next to you and say, "Your Father loves you." Amen. Go in peace. God's love go with you.

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