Bible Teaching

Calvary Temple Teaching Library

Two Become One Pt.4

We want to continue with this relationship teaching. There's a lot of talk going on about it. Many of us are excited. Some of us are saying, "Amen," and some of us are saying, "Oh, me!" I would just encourage you to wait until the smoke clears and we're done. Then, try to find out where you are in the midst of all this. Don't worry about anybody else. It's like every other teaching. "How does this really apply to my life? What's God saying to me?" Also, don't get caught up in the periphery. We're trying to give a lot of examples. We're trying to speak toward many different aspects of a complex subject. We'll have to go over and over many of the specifics, but don't sit waiting for one specific point that will help you solve all of life's problems and miss the general principles that we're setting forth. In other words, if you can't identify and live by the general principles, you'll never get the specifics working for you. See the obvious, first of all, and say, "Am I doing the obvious? Am I doing the general principles that God's Word speaks toward?" If so, then I'm going to be able to clearly hear the specific guidance. I'll have confidence and faith that God will order my steps and put me specifically where He wants me.

We all know the Scripture says, "He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord." All the guys said, "Amen," even those with wives, especially those with wives! Amen? I asked the question in Men's Breakfast the other day, "How many of you love your wives more now than you did when you married them?" We didn't have a show of hands, so ladies; I can't give you the report. But, I'm sure it would have been the overwhelming majority, if not unanimous. Then the question was asked, "But how many of you love them differently than you loved them when you were first married, whenever that was?" Some have longer periods that have transpired; we have some newlyweds here that have been married less than a year. That's an exciting thing. They can't identify as much with that second statement, but some who have been married for longer can. I trust, men, it's not like, "Forever. Dear God, I've been married forever!" The longer you've been married it's better, and it's different, because it's now the fruit of a continual, unified direction where two have become one. It's interesting to watch relationships build and to see couples that have come from different backgrounds, different cultures, and as time goes by, they begin to think as one, speak as one. One will start the story and the other one will complete it. Isn't that interesting? You have a couple and they're talking to you, one of them starts the story and the other one finishes it. They don't even get upset with each other, they just take turns, or at least they should, in being able to finish the story. We realize that this is part of the process of living together, growing together, and becoming truly one.

The thing that we want to see is that the general principle-go back to Genesis again. You can never spend too much time on the basics, getting the fundamental principles down. In Genesis, Chapter 2, verse 18, "And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone." I'll give time for a response. (Only one married guy.) "It's not good that the man should be alone." So we have to ask the question, "Why? What's God talking about here?" It's obvious that man was created as a social being, one to have fellowship with God. Man walked with God in the cool of the day. Man is a social being. We've heard of those tests of isolation. Humans don't do well in total isolation. In fact, actually, they will ultimately lose their minds. We're social beings. It's not good for us to be alone. It's interesting that God makes this statement and He was available to Adam. Many of us think, "All I need is the Lord." Adam had the Lord, and God said "It's not good for man to be alone." Adam saw God face to face, he walked with Him. Adam needed someone he could have who was an equal. The thing we need to understand is that man is not equal with God. There was always a relationship that was not fulfilled because of the lack of equality. He needed a helpmeet. God said, "It's not good for you to be alone, so I will make a helpmeet for you."

We begin to identify through that statement why relationships exist. Man is not to be alone. Man is in need of a helpmeet. We know how the story goes on. All of the creatures were created by God from the earth. They were marched before Adam. He named them all. Among them all, there was not found for Adam a companion, a helpmeet. God puts him into a deep sleep. (Ladies, that's why men are always on the couch.) Adam is put into a deep sleep. God reached in and removed from him the feminine aspect of man. When we talk about man, God's original creation, "Male and female, He created them." Adam was both. He had that feminine aspect, that feminine part within him. He was a whole being but he needed the helpmeet, someone that could stand alongside, someone that he could fellowship with on an equal basis. The neged was removed, the negative [as in photography], and the woman was taken out of him. Adam looks upon this woman, the Scripture says, and he says-I love this, look at it. He had taken her, or the rib, or the side; we understand that it wasn't just necessarily the one rib. God removed the neged from his side, the negative of Adam, "that which He had taken from man, made He woman." I want to give you guys a general statement right here, you single guys, and you single woman can apply this, too. This is the most important part of this whole study that we're going to do. Look: "And God brought her unto him."

Father's behind this whole thing. He doesn't want you to be alone. He's got somebody for you. Can you say, "Praise God!" for that? Now, if that's the case, why do you keep getting in the way? If God's got somebody for you, why don't you let God bring her? Many of you, by your own conniving, by your own lusts, by your own pride, by your own fears, by your own prejudices, have slowed down the process. Some, like Samson, have taken things into your own hands and been in relationships that you shouldn't have been in and you have the scars from it. If we're children of faith, living by faith and walking by faith; if this is the greatest decision that we're going to make outside of making Jesus the Lord of our lives; shouldn't it be made in faith, shouldn't it be made trusting God? Do you want to be in charge of the greatest decision you'll ever make or do you want God in charge of it? That's what this thing boils down to. God wants you to have a life's mate. God wants man to be fulfilled. He does not want you men to be alone. When you lie down and sleep, rest, labor to enter into the rest, God will bring her to you. So we say, "Praise God!" for that!

Adam looked upon her and said, "‘This is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife: and the two shall be made one flesh," a new family. This union makes two, one; the purpose is for man to have that helpmeet.

Now the helpmeet, as we've shared before-I don't want to get caught up in this, but the helpmeet aspect of this is someone that can stand alongside to give ballast, to strengthen you, to balance your life out. She's someone that is going to give you all of the fruit of the principle that two are better than one. When you fall, there's somebody there to pick you up, praise God! There's safety in multiple counsel and perspective. It's all of these things that Father desires for you. That's why we keep sharing with you guys. What are you looking for? If God wants you to have a helpmeet, why do you want a playmate? We know the physicality, that aspect of man. We know man is primarily stimulated by sight. Most of you women are aware of that. That is why we have all of these airbrushed models, skinny ladies, and women in bikinis selling tires and quarts of oil. What's that got to do with oil? It doesn't. It has to do with the lust of men: lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, pride of life, pride of conquering, the insatiable lust and sexual desire in man.

That is a war that is contended with by every male in this room. It doesn't go away. You young men think "When I get married that will go away. That will solve the whole problem." It doesn't solve it. It doesn't make it go away. "Well, at least when I get old it will go away." It doesn't go away. I've talked to some old guys and they told me. I'll believe their testimony. How do we deal with that thing? We deal with it in many different ways. We deal with it by making a covenant with our eyes. We deal with it by giving our hearts, treasuring our wives and our covenant, and the gift that God's given us. We do it by making choices to prefer God's principal standards of loving the wife of our youth, being ravished always with her love, and letting her physicality satisfy us. It's a choice. It's not natural. Because of that, and because it's something that's ongoing, what I'm sharing with you young men is this: make your decisions on who you want as a life's mate not based anything in the physical realm, but on someone that can stand there and be a helpmeet to you. Choose someone that is going to help you get to heaven, someone that is going to help you become a man through her patience as she grows with you, as you learn to love your wife as your own body. It's a process.

We've shared that on your list as you're looking-we've talked about the infamous list. Your list ought to begin with, "Is this person seeking first the kingdom of God, not seeking a man, not seeking ease of life, comfort, and prosperity? Is this person seeking first the kingdom of God? That's the number one requirement on my list. This person has to be in love with Jesus more than me, more than life; amen? Do you know what's going to make that wife of mine a good mother? She's going to love Jesus more than she loves her husband. She's going to love Jesus more than she loves her child. That's who I want raising my kids." (I got one "Amen!") That's what it's all about.

We make our decisions based upon, as we've said before, the spiritual and not the physical, the eternal and not the temporal. We talked about what natural man lusts for; love, infatuation, and attraction is selfishness, usually. "What can I get out of this? That person makes me feel good." We talked about the typical statement that so many women make. "That couple looks so cute together!" What's that got to do with anything? How about, "Those people look horrible together, but they sure love the Lord and love each other," amen?

When we were on our last cruise, a Princess cruise-if you ever go on Princess Line, it's the classiest of the boats. It's really nice but there are old people. There are advantages. You can always get to the food line first when you're young. Greer and I were on the elevator and this lady comes on and says, "You're such a cute, young couple." (I had an old guy tell me that it wouldn't go away.) You know if I'm part of a "young couple" this is an old crowd! We were such a cute couple.

What does that have to do with anything if what we're looking for, men, is a helpmeet? If what we're looking for is someone that will make me more Christlike, someone that will love my children? Our role, men, is to be priest of a home and to raise up a godly seed. I don't care if I have good looking kids; I want godly kids, amen? Now, if they can be good looking like mine, that's a bonus, praise God, but it's not necessary. We get so distracted. We talked about the difference of what love is and we talked about how easy it is for eros to rise up. God always intended for there to be eros, the physical, the natural, in our relationships. He goes on and says, "They were naked and were not ashamed." He told them to be fruitful and multiply. Sexual desire is of God. Sexual attraction is of God, but you're only to be attracted to one person: the wife of your youth, the person that you've made covenant with.

I'm going to speak toward this. In the Young Adult meeting it was asked, "What does it mean to give your heart away too soon?" I'm going to talk about that a little bit, and why you need to guard against it. That's why we teach relationships the way we do, so you're not giving your heart away; so that you're not causing yourself to move into a place of danger, of having to deal with roots of bitterness, strife, division, and jealousy if things don't happen the way you would like them to happen; so you prefer brothers and sisters, and prefer others better than yourself. We talked about eros, the erotic, the physical attraction, the "chemistry" they call it today. Now, I don't want to be mistaken. I'm going to speak toward that this morning. I don't want you to be mistaken in thinking, "I really like that person, so that's probably not the one I'm supposed to have." It's alright to have an attraction to someone! In fact, it's good to have an attraction, an appeal, a desire for, as long as it's governed by the biblical principles of commonness, the body of Christ, each member fulfilling its own role without exclusiveness. No exclusivity, no jealousy, no possessiveness; you can have a preference, yes; a desire, an expectation, yes, if it be the will of God. When is it out of order? It's out of order when you can't control it, "I'm battling jealousy. I'm having some strife over here, even though it's not discernable, but this person is coming in. I'm feeling rejected by that person I'm attracted to." Now it's out of order. Now you've given your heart away illicitly. You're in the midst of all of this confusion, strife, and damage that shouldn't be there and you're out of order.

How do I have this preference then? "I like this person." By faith. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for." Where does faith come from? "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God." "My preference for her is subordinate to the Word of God, the will of God; God's will being done; if it be possible, nevertheless, not my will, but Thy will." If I can relate to that preference with it subordinate to the will of God, then it's okay to have preferences. "Lord, if it be possible, that one; if not, Thy will be done." That one, that's the one I want, Lord." Is there anything wrong with that? Not at all! "That's my preference, right there, but nevertheless, not my will, but Thy will be done."

I'm going to make this statement, but I'm going to have to go back and show you in the Scriptures as we go on. "I prefer that one, nevertheless, not my will [say it], Thy will be done." Not, "Their parents' will be done." Not, "My parents' will be done." Not, "My best friend's will be done." Who's will? God's will. That's what we're subordinate to. How many of you know that the moment you let your intentions or desires be known, everybody around you has an opinion? You have counselors. Some of you older folks, some of you more mature ones that don't have parents here, you have counselors. You have people that can speak into your life, but they don't make the final decision for you. They don't determine for you. They counsel you to arrive at the will of God. As a parent, as a pastor, I would have preferences but I don't inflict my preferences. I'm seeking the will of God. We would all do things differently. We all dress differently. We drive different types of cars. We have different tastes. We have different preferences. We've been raised different ways. We come from different social classes. We come from different cultures. We're looking for the will of God, the order of God. For two people to come together, basically all that needs to be met are the requirements of godliness, the pursuit of the kingdom, and fruit of the spirit. Now, along with those things, if you're wise, you'll make other decisions, too.

This doesn't mean necessarily that it negates other things, but it's something you have to consider. "I really like this girl, but this is going to be a real work of faith to have that for a mother-in-law." (Singing: "Mother-In-Law") Those are all factors that counselors come in and begin to help you through. Yes, this is part of the deal, but the fact is you're the head of your house. If you're wise, you won't go to war with Mama-you throw Mama from the train-a kiss! No, you sly dog, you win her with the same skill that you won Sweet Thing. You are kind, gentle, and loving to her child and she'll fall in love with you, too. Don't go to war. Don't become jealous. Don't become possessive. So what if they don't like you to start with? Most people don't like you to start with; just win them. Be godly. If they're Christians, it's not about how you comb your hair, who your parents are, how much money you make; it's about how godly you are, amen? If they're good parents they want a godly mate, not their preference, not their social order.

Parents, you have no business inflicting your preferences on your children. Your children are not clones. They are individuals, bought with a price, the blood of Jesus. They were put into your home to be stewarded, to be overseen, to be given wise counsel. The wise counsel is godliness. The wise counsel is Christlikeness. The wise counsel is fruit of the spirit. It's not your preferences. You had your shot. Now, we raise them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord; trust God to order their steps, and to raise up a godly seed. What are we talking about? How godly we can become in looking for a mate and not to be distracted by the physicality, the natural desires.

Let me show you a couple of things here very quickly. Turn to 2 Samuel; I want to give you a love story. I want to show you what it means to love somebody. We've given you the definition. God is the source of all genuine love. Love is of God, and everyone that loves is born of God. That's why the spiritual life is so important. There can't be mature love without mature Christian character. Some of you that are single are wondering, "What can I do, really?" Become more godly; you'll attract light to yourself. You'll attract godliness to yourself, and the rest of them you shouldn't be interested in anyway. If everyone here in our midst is pursuing more Christlikeness and godliness, we're going to admire those around in their pursuit, "Say, you know what? They could help me and I could help them." That's how you get together, to help each other become greater in God, brothers and sisters pursuing eternal life, the presence of God, helping each other get there. Love is the byproduct of that because when I love the Lord and I know He loves me, I'm capable of loving anybody. The love that I have is not based on prejudice or personal preference. "While I was a sinner, He loved me," amen? God is love.

I want to show you the reality of love and the fallacy of love. I want to show you how this natural thing can get us into trouble and to really be able to identify what love is. I don't want to bog down in this so I want to give you a couple of quick reference points. Chapter 13 of 2 Samuel, the Scripture says there was "a fair sister." This guy loved his sister, Absalom's sister Tamar. "Amnon the son of David loved her, and he was so vexed he fell sick." We talked about giving your heart away. Some of us can identify with this over the years. There are different aspects of puppy love, genuine love, when there's a separation, when you've been separated from someone you love and that homesickness, the desire to see them, to hear their voice. You've seen examples of it from pictures in the war. These men are out battling. One pulls his helmet off, and inside is a picture of his wife. It can hurt so badly, that separation, and it can make you sick physically to be apart from someone you love that much.

Scripture says, "He was so vexed and he fell sick." Amnon's friend said, "What's wrong?" He said, "I just love her so much. I've got to have her or I'll die." The friend said, "Why don't you just pretend that you're sick? She'll come over. She's a good sister in the Lord. She'll come over and take care of you. Then, when she comes over to take care of you, you can just join yourself to her and she'll be yours." Amnon says, "That's not a bad idea." So he follows this counsel. He says, in verse 11, when she brought him the ministry to care for him, "Come lie with me, my sister." She said, "No, my brother, do not force me; this shouldn't be. Just go talk to Dad, speak to the king. He'll not withhold me from thee." I don't know if that's a true statement.

Let me pause right here a second. Girls, young ladies, that's what Dad is for! First of all, I've said it before and I'll say it again: Don't be harassing all these young ladies. I'm going to give you some practical things, but by the end of this week you should not have asked thirty girls to marry you. That's not what we're doing here. That's not what this teaching is all about. It shouldn't be like you're over here in the conference room and all of these fathers are standing outside. You asked to see them tonight and you've got thirty fathers out there. "Mr. So and So, I'd like to..." "NO!" "Would I..." "NO!" Don't do that. Don't put pressure on these young ladies.

Let me give you some practical advice. Your sisters in the Lord are being taught to prefer you, to love you, to be kind, to have a meek spirit, to be gentle. Don't mistake kindness, gentleness, sisterly love, and family, phileo, for anything that it's not. Don't read into it. The first time some girl is nice to you, don't ask her to marry you. "Nobody's ever been nice to me before." Well, get used to it. There are a whole bunch of people that want to be nice to you, amen? But if you want them not to be nice to you, start asking everybody to marry you. Everybody is going to say, "Here he comes." "Nobody wants to talk to me." Why? You're going to ask them to marry you. "I'm afraid to talk to you." What does that do for fellowship? It totally destroys everything that we're trying to build. We've had four or five different instances that have come into the Deacons' meeting. "So-and-so wants to go ask So-and-so's Dad to marry them." I said, "Is it mutual?" "They said it is," but the other person didn't even have a clue! They said, "Hi." You said, "Yes! They're ready!" Don't read your own desires and lusts into this thing. Don't mistake kindness and community for the desire to make covenant. How am I going to know? That's what this teaching is all about! You're going to know when you begin to be free from that compulsion; when your attraction is based upon somebody's attraction to Jesus and not to you; when you're resting, living by faith, and believing that God is going to direct your steps. I don't mean that He's going to drop someone out of heaven onto you.

Don't be an Amnon and take advantage of your sister's goodness and kindness, wanting to serve, wanting to be kind and put them into this predicament. I know it wouldn't be to the physical aspects that this went to, but it's the same spirit. "I've got to have them. I'll do anything to be around them." We begin to manipulate. We start putting pressure on them. All you're doing is causing a breach. "But my heart's sick. I'm vexed. I can't think about anything else!" Then you surely are not ready to have a relationship with someone! Amen? How does that selfishness and preoccupation translate into preferring and loving your wife as your own body, and seeking her good and not your own? Another thing, too, that you've got to understand; the fact that a relationship builds doesn't exclude you from the community or the Body. It includes you. It makes you better servants. How does this preoccupation with self-"If I don't have that, I can't be satisfied." Are you saying that the Lord is not sufficient at this moment? The rest of the body of Christ is not sufficient at this moment? That's quite an indictment to make against Jesus and His body because of your own preferences and selfishness.

The Scripture says that he loved her and he had to have her. There's all this manipulation that goes on. Finally, we know the Scripture; he takes her and forces her. Then, verse 15-I want to show you that this is the consequence many times to getting exactly what you think you have to have. "I can't live without it if I can't have that person in my life." It says, "Then he hated her with a greater hatred than [the love with which he had loved her.]" Interesting statement, isn't it? Wait a minute; this was going to fix everything! It's going to "fix" your momentary lusts; it's going to satisfy your ego, which are both insatiable. Now you move in a realm that is disorderly. You manipulate and get what you think you want and it doesn't satisfy. Because that thing you sold everything out for doesn't satisfy, you hate it. It wasn't the god you thought it was. It wasn't the treasure you thought it was. Now, that thing that was going to fix it all, you despise and hate. You'll hate it with a greater hatred than you loved it.

Don't you understand what you're playing with in these emotions? Do you see what it can do to different hearts? We know how the story transpires. Is that love? It says in verse 4, "And he loved her." He lusted her. Does love move by deceit? He deceived her into coming. Love's not deceitful. Love moves in the light. We realize the consequences of eros. He loved her. She turned him on. He had to have her. He got her. "If I could have her... If I could just have the beauty, the physicality I'm drawn to, that will satisfy me. I'll finally be a man. That's going to satisfy me." It didn't do a thing, and it never does. It's that lie of the devil that we've been trying to deal with.

First Samuel 19 tells another love story-Michal. You all remember Michal, Saul's daughter, David's first wife? I know what some of you are thinking. That love story I just shared with you is kind of like the love stories they're putting out in Hollywood. Don't you hate the movies now? None of them have happy endings anymore. It's like, "They separated, were miserable, and each went and did their own thing." Fairytale endings, sappiness, I like those endings. I like it all to be good in the end, don't you? I like the guy to get the girl. I like them meeting on the Empire State Building-both times, the black and white one, and the color one. It's cool. It worked out twice. That's a good building! It's almost like today, "Nothing works out. Everybody does their own thing. It was a nice interlude. We were both satisfied in it, but we've both got other things to do." It shows where mindsets are today. I like happy endings. God wants you to be happy. He doesn't want you to be alone. He wants you to be satisfied. He wants you to raise up godly seed. That wasn't a very fun story.

Let's look at Michal. The Scripture says in 1 Samuel, Chapter 18, verse 28, "Michal Saul's daughter loved him... Saul became David's enemy continually." It's not a good relationship with the father-in-law but you might be able to live through it. "David behaved himself more wisely than all the servants of Saul; so that his name was much set by." Some of you are interested in girls right now and their dads aren't interested in you. What do you do? My suggestion is: Go kill a giant. Begin to show who you really are. Begin to show what you're made of. Begin to show what God's doing in your life. Begin to show your jealously for God. "You uncircumcised Philistine, how dare you oppose the name of the living God!" Do you want to know why some of these parents aren't really interested in having you for their daughters? It's because they're observing that you're more about you than their daughter. They would rather have you be less about you, even less about their daughters, and more about Jesus. That's how you win folks that have a heart for righteousness and holiness. How could anybody deny their child, one of their great possessions, to be put into the hands of someone who loves God with all of his heart, who isn't selfish in preferring himself, but loves the body of Christ and others more than himself? It's vitally important to understand here.

The Scripture says-let's do a little bit of analysis here. I want to read a little bit between the lines. I may not even have all of this right. You can add your own twists and some of your interpretations if it's not literally stated. I think I'm going to get pretty close here because I know folks. Then you can judge how I did. The Scripture says, "Michal Saul's daughter loved David." That's a statement that is pretty easy to understand. I would ask, "I wonder why she loved him?" "He smelled like sheep?" Probably not. I wonder if she would have loved him-this is the king's daughter, right? This is the daughter of a king. I wonder if she would have loved him as a shepherd. How did they get introduced? He's the national hero. That'll get your attention, won't it, girls? They're singing songs about it. Not a bad looking guy, that never hurts. "And she loved him." For a dowry, Saul said, "I want you to bring me one hundred Philistine foreskins." So David brought back two hundred. (Ouch!) David comes back and they marry.

Then, Saul's going to have David killed. I can't remember what psalm it is right now, maybe Psalm 59. There is a psalm written about them laying in wait to try and get him at this very moment. How they're going to lay in wait, and like dogs wandering around, they're going to sneak in, take him captive, and kill him. That's the whole plan. So Michal and David come up with a plan. They hide David and sneak him out. He escapes and Saul, father-in-law, comes in, grabs his daughter and says, "What is this allegiance to your husband more than your Dad? What are you doing tricking Dad?" Now she has a decision to make. "And Michal [say it with me], loved David." Michal [what?] loved David. "What are you doing helping him? What are you doing turning against your Dad? What are you doing turning against your family?" And Michal said, "He forced me. He said he'd kill me if I didn't help him." "And Michal loved David." It's losing a little bit of luster here, isn't it? The pressure's on. Dad's putting a lot of pressure on. What is love? Love is commitment. Love prefers the other person. Love isn't saving your own neck! Love isn't making life easy on yourself, deflecting the grief, and throwing your spouse under the bus. There's an awful lot of cheap love. A lot of people that say they love, but it's known by its fruit. "And God so loved that He..."

So she lies against David, against her husband. She betrays him to keep the family relations intact and to preserve her own neck. She's given away to another man. Isn't this a fun story? She's given away to another man. David goes into exile, and after all these years, approximately 14 years, David comes into a position of preeminence. In 2 Samuel, Chapter 3, verse 13, David says, "I'll make this covenant. I'll spare you guys and I'll meet with you on one condition." I love the terms here. She's been living with another guy for 14 years. She was stolen from David by her father, given to marry another man for personal gain and alliance, and in 2 Samuel, Chapter 3, David makes this statement, "I'll meet with you and we'll have this contract, but here's the requirement: You go get my wife." Hummm! You know what I would say? I would say, "And David loved Michal." She betrayed him and he said, "I want you to bring my wife back to me." She's been with another man for 14 years. "I want you to bring my wife back to me." What does he have to gain out of this politically? She's no longer the king's daughter. There's nothing in it for David, but David was a man of character. David loved. David wanted Michal back, called her his wife. Michal loved David's reputation, fame, and power; she comes back.

David, in probably one of the greatest moments of his life, 2 Samuel, Chapter 6, the highlight of the life of David, the ark is returning to the house of God. David is rejoicing and dancing! In Chapter 6 of 2 Samuel, "And Michal despised David." Michal loved David, Michal despises David. David loved Michal and brought her back. Michal despises the Lord, David puts her away. See the preferences? See the priorities? Do you see how this thing is supposed to work? You see where love is? "And she was barren," the greatest curse that could be put on a woman in that nation, because she despised the glory of the Lord. She despised the Lord that David loved. You can't love the man more than you love the Lord. You can't love the woman more than you love the Lord. If you love the Lord, you can love the children of God.

Whatever these natural attractions were of an Amnon and a Michal, they don't hold up under pressure. What are you going to make your life's decision on, your hormones, TV commercials, or godly character in the life of a helpmeet that will raise you up and cause you to serve God with all of your heart? Someone who, when you're dancing before the ark, will not despise you, but rejoice, and say, "That's my man, right there. That's my husband, the fat, bald guy dancing before the Lord." "Who's the guy with the long, flowing, curly hair and the body like Schwarzenegger over there?" "Oh, that was a guy I knew when I was young." "He's a hunk!" "Really? Hadn't noticed. See how good looking that bald, fat guy is there that's dancing before the Lord?" That's what I'm talking about. Some of you don't believe me, but I'm telling you it's real! What you think is attractive, when love is there and when Jesus is preferred, when the kingdom of God is being sought, you don't even see the things the way you used to see them, old things pass away. What used to be beautiful isn't beautiful anymore. Godliness is beautiful, amen? Fat guys with bald heads become beautiful. Some of you ought to be going, "Thank you, Jesus!" I thought for sure we'd see some high fives on that one. Well, you don't want to give it all away do you? Some of you ladies are thinking, "I don't believe that." It's all based on your relationship with Lord. I would say, like the prophet, "Lord, open his eyes that he could see." Amen?" Open their eyes that they could see, because that's what it's all about. That's what genuine love is. That's what lasts.

Who do I want as a life's mate? I want someone that is seeking God with all of her heart, someone that loves Jesus more than she loves me. All of these other aspects that so many of us are looking for-we just talked about two deep love stories, loved them, vexed, lovesick. I can speak until I'm blue in the face and you can't hear it if you don't have ears to hear. It's been amazing to me to see over the years. You'll see the different things that people go through to try to create attraction. We'll start working out and try to get a little leaner. Some of us will get hair implants and get our girdles on. It's not about that. If somebody is not going to love you for your spiritual being, if someone's not going to love you for the fruit that you're producing, you don't want them anyway. They'll leave for something better if that's what they're attracted to; if not in the natural, they'll leave internally.

Tonight we're going to talk about those character aspects. We're going to talk about the working of Christlikeness in our lives and what becomes discernable. We'll discuss how we begin to show our interest in somebody else in the Body without causing strife, division, without giving our hearts away, without letting it go overboard-now the fact that I have a preference for that person-don't blab it all around. "If I'm kind of making it obvious, everybody's going to know." I didn't say don't let people know. I said, "Don't blab it around." There's power in words. I'm not talking about the "blab it, grab it," positive confession thing. I'm talking about declarative statements. We, in God's order as communicative beings, more than any of God's creation-that declarative ability is powerful. When we make contracts, when we make statements of intent, they carry a lot of power. People hold us to our word; the Scripture talks about us being bound by our words, snared with the words of our mouth. We're talking about ministering and fellowshipping with everybody.

We talk don't we? We don't mean to, but we do. We're not malicious. We're just making observations. We observe things and some of us are more observant than others. Guys don't notice much of anything. Some of you girls will notice: "Have you ever noticed when he hits to her in volleyball it's not like Meet the Fockers but it's kind of, ‘boop'? Then, when she hits it back, he goes like ‘boop' (hitting softly). I think I saw that twice, and then afterwards, he brought her the biggest piece of cake. I saw it. It was. I got a piece like this and she had this." Things begin to be obvious.

We talked about bumping into them. Here's one of the questions that was asked that I didn't read off that list the other night-I'll end with this for this morning. "How do you make your intentions known without becoming a stalker?" In reality, the definition of stalking is that the person doesn't want you there. You're not stalking if they're enjoying it. If, when they stop, and they don't get bumped and they're like, "Where did he go? Where is he? I hope he's not stalking somebody else." Is there, or is there not, if you have an attraction to somebody, a desire to be with them, a desire to be where they are? Well, be there and have fellowship, but not exclusiveness. It's okay to bring her the biggest piece of cake, but bring some to other people, too. Don't take stuff off other people's plates and give it to her. There still has to be preference of brothers and sisters and the others, we show them attention. We're not blowing them off. It's not like "Hey, can't you see I'm having a conversation here?" It's inclusiveness with a preference, but with this understanding-we'll end with this. It becomes disorderly when you cannot say, "Nevertheless, not my will, Thy will be done. This is my preference. God wants me to be happy. He wants me to be blessed. This is the godliest person that I know." Some of us would have to say, "This is the godliest person that I think would have anything to do with me." Then what do you need to work on?

We realize that this is how the community works without causing schism, without making declarative statements and causing confusion. The first time a sister in the Lord is kind to you and inclusive, that doesn't mean to propose to her, go hunt her dad down, or, if they're a mature person, go ask one of the pastors. "I really believe that this is the person." "Are they interested in you?" "I believe so." "Why?" "Because she said, ‘Hi.'" "Well, was she smiling when she said it?" "No, she was trying to get away, but she said ‘Hi' and I think it's mutual." It's probably not wise to ask if you don't already know the answer. "I've only been turned down six times this week." The first approach ought to be "Yes." If you're not that sure, if you don't know-what makes it hard is because our minds are so vexed by the world. Some of us are very gun shy because we don't know what they're judging us against. "I'm just a fat, bald guy and she's looking for the muscular, curly-haired, blond guy in the Ferrari. Then what are you interested in her for anyway? It comes from both sides. Now, everything being equal, everything done right, your life is in order, then don't let fear of a rejection dictate to you, either. If they say, "I don't know." I'm talking to some of you more mature people (I'm not talking to you young people); don't take that as a rejection. "Well, bless God, you had your chance. You let the best thing in your life get away." That's your sister, pray for her ignorance! Pray, "Lord, this woman needs to have her eyes opened. Help her, Lord, to have spiritual eyes. Yes, I'm fat and bald, but I love the Lord and I'm pursuing God. There is fruit in my life." Don't be discouraged. Let growth take place because all of us have to grow out of this vexation of the world's way of thinking. That's why I would say, "Don't get in a big hurry." Wait for this process of renewing of mind to occur. Let God build up relationships based upon the right things in our midst, and then you'll know when your stalking is over and when you can make your move. We'll talk about it later tonight.

Father, we thank You for the Word. Father, I don't want Michal to love me. I'd prefer not to be betrayed and despised when I've lost all my money and my hair. Michal's love was obviously conditional. "Father, I don't want to be dictated to by the lust that's in my members. I want to be free from the deception of an Amnon who would be absolutely vexed by all that this world has shoved down our throats, the vanity of thinking, ‘That will satisfy.'" Give us the wisdom to understand that everything outside You, and Your standards, that we think would gratify, will become gravel in our mouths. We'll despise and hate it with a greater hatred than we thought we loved it. There's no turning around the consequences. Absalom is going to kill you. You're not going to do that to his sister and get away with it. Absalom is going to kill you. Now you've made your brother a murderer because of your lusts. You take another man's wife, Bathsheba; the baby's going to die. There are consequences. Help us not be Amnon and live by our lusts and make decisions based upon physicality. Father, give us the assurance and the rest that we read in Genesis, "God brought her to him and said, ‘Here's your helpmeet.'"

I've got an idea. Why don't some of you men build your own wives? Why don't you, in Young Adults and Single Minded Saints, build your own wives? Why don't you, in the time of fellowship, speak into lives, edify women, speak biblical principles, become a leader, and take things in the godly role that will cause them to follow? Just like Adam had that removed from him, why don't you set the standard and build it in your image so that you can say, "This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She was taken out of my pursuit of God, my vision, my desire for godliness." Then you'll know that you have God's will. Father, give us that wisdom. Help us to rest in You, in Jesus' name. Amen.

Turn to somebody next to you and say, "It's not good to be alone." Amen. Go in peace. God's love go with you.

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