Bible Teaching

Calvary Temple Teaching Library

Two Become One Pt.6

Praise God! We'll let's turn to the book of Ephesians; we want to continue with our study. I don't know how much longer we have on this. We seem to have stirred up a lot of stuff, and there are a lot of places we need to go with this. I'd just like to remind you of how we got here. We were talking about the fact that we are not as free from the world as we think we are. In this, the most crucial area of all of our lives, outside of our regeneration, the fact of the matter is that many of us still think like the world as it pertains to relationships and marriage: the natural secular humanist perspective of how two people come together and are, ultimately, made one.

The world has no clue what marriage is. The World's system has no clue what God intended marriage to be. The only way we're going to know what it is, and why it is, is through the Word of God. For it to be performing what God intended, we have to know what the original purpose was. We know from our study that it is because God didn't want Man to be alone. "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone..." (Genesis 2:18). He looked for a help meet [for him]; someone who would be there to prop him up, to bring ballast, to bring perspective: the feminine perspective. We said that that was within Adam, because that's where the woman came from. Ladies: that will help you understand, you are not a separate entity; you are of man. God created man, and then from man He took woman. "Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man," the Scripture says (1 Corinthians 11:9). That is not only a statement of authority and order, it's a statement of origin. Because of that, we know what the purpose is. We realize how perverted our society is today as we've seen the feminist movement and the moving away of women, the females, into the secular realm.

In our particular society we saw it more following World War II. As the women came out into the work place to build airplanes, and to work to support the nation, it was something that was necessary; it was noble. But the ladies didn't want to go back home, many of them. Some were glad to, but many of them didn't, and thought processes began to change, and we began to see the latch-key child.

Many of us experienced it: something that had been unknown in our society. That was the fact that mom was not home: mom was at work. I remember very well, in my childhood, my mother working. I remember what my chores were, around the house. We were to help out. I did the vacuuming and I washed the dishes and such things. My mother was out working, and my dad was working, because we were a nation that was prospering. We came out of that little one-room house, and now we were prospering: we were living in a newer home, and driving better cars, and had the first color TV that was out, and had the first video game, "Pong"-do you all remember that? That was high-tech: beep...beep...beep. We were advancing along with everybody else, and it's evolved to where we are today.

The [true] church has not changed. The admonition was for the elder women to teach the younger women how to keep their homes, how to love their husbands, how to love their children. Amen? That's your job; that's your role; that's why you were created: to support your husband, to love him, to train your children, and to keep your home. That's God's intention; that's God's purpose for you. It doesn't have to be stereotyped, but the spirit has to be there-the understanding of what God's intention was, and the spirit of it, and the purpose, has to be in place. That can be done in different ways. It can be done in creative ways, but I'm not here to talk about that this evening. I think we probably will talk about it, but we're looking again at the reason for our coming together. "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone," so He created a woman. Adam's response is very interesting. "And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." We see this perspective amplified in Ephesians, and understand what that means, how two can truly become one. There is no greater union than a man and a woman becoming one. In our society today, with the perversion of the worth of the child, the attention to the child, to where spouses are almost ignored, we see marriages growing apart. I'm here just to remind you that, when you get ready to marry and you make that covenant, you are not two: you become one. There can be no preference outside of that. You must not love your children more than you love your spouse. There's only one person who should have a greater demand upon your affection and upon your heart: that's the Lord Jesus. Anything outside of that is disorderly, yet, in our society today, it's very common. Some couples relate only through their children; they no longer relate to each other; they talk through their children. They identify through their children with one another. There's such disorder in homes today. It's a tragic thing to see.

I was watching a program last night, it's called Driving Force. It's about John Force, the thirteen year funny-car champion. I was watching this presentation, and it just breaks your heart to watch this family. I read the first report on that today. It said that many viewers could identify with his family. It's a wreck! The guy came across as an idiot. His children are just absolutely in allegiance with their mother against their father. The report was that so many families can identify with this. My first thought was, "Thank God ours cannot!" Amen? That's perceived as normalcy in our society today, but it's totally unacceptable from God's perspective.

As we go on to see the order-and I'm talking about counting the cost before you cut this covenant-it's for life. What God has joined together let no man put asunder. Amen? A woman is not to leave her husband; and if she does, she's to remain single, and then be reconciled to her husband; and the husband's not to put away his wife. When you sign this contract, it's for life. It makes this pretty serious, this contract-actually, that's the wrong term-this covenant we're getting ready to enter into.

We used to say, in our old marriage ceremonies, that it's not to be done unadvisedly or lightly, but soberly and discretely. As we look at all these different aspects, how can we enter into [marriage] soberly? I mentioned that we're going to talk about how you pursue, how we can come together into these relationships, and how we can know who that right person is.

What we've tried to share with you is that the Scripture does not teach the secular, romantic, thought of "soul mate": that there's one person only, predestined from the foundations of the world, and if you miss that, you'll be miserable the rest of your life. You might get married, but you'll always have one eye looking for that soul mate. "This will do until I find my soul mate: the one who will make the perfect match. Until then, this will do." That's [the philosophy] a lot of the world [embraces]. I'll tell you who the perfect mate for you is: the one whom you choose, the one whom you cut covenant with in the name of Jesus Christ. When that blood covenant is cut-and that blood covenant is the covenant cut in virginity, that's the shedding of the blood, that's what makes this covenant-as two become one, what God has joined together no man has authority to put asunder. But it's not just legal, it's literal: two become one. I want to encourage you in how to identify that person. We see, then, that it's not necessarily a person, but character: Christlikeness. We've shared that any two people who are Christlike, and are continually being sanctified, can cut a covenant and fulfill the very purpose of God for their lives-peace, joy, contentment, productivity, two being better than one-experience love beyond anything that Hollywood can produce, and experience the best erotic life that can be imagined, because it's all based upon unselfishness, giving, and thankfulness. Not, "Why did I get ripped off? Why did I have to settle for this? How come I never..." Outside of Jesus, relationships are based upon selfishness.

So how do we find out? Well, let's go to Ephesians, Chapter 4. I want to speak toward a couple of things. I said I was going to talk about how we relate. We coined the phrase, and some of you are very familiar with what I mean when I talk about how you "bump into somebody" properly, without running over them. How do we make ourselves "omnipresent" without becoming a stalker? Now remember, we said that stalkers are only stalkers when the person who observes them doesn't want them there.

In Ephesians, Chapter 4, let's begin at the first verse: "I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that you walk worthy of the vocation wherewith you are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love." The first thing we need to do is realize that every one of us needs to come down a notch in our own eyes. Look what he says here: "If you're going to walk worthy of the Lord, you need to be lowly in your own eyes. You need to be meek. You need to be longsuffering. You need to be forbearing." In other words: You're not special. You're not the great catch. You're part of a body that's been brought together by the Holy Spirit for the purpose of bringing mutual edification and, ultimately, to come into covenant and be made one, and produce a godly seed, and train them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord to marry godly people, to bring up a godly seed, until Jesus comes. It's not about building successful businesses, leaving great inheritances, or becoming famous; it's about perpetuating godliness.

The best spouse is going to be the one who is the godliest, who will to be able to perpetuate godliness. We don't marry outside of who we are. Who is going to help me fulfill what God is doing? Who is producing fruit in the spirit? Who has a love for the Body? Who is unselfish? Who is seeking the good of others, and not themselves? We begin to look around and ask, "Who are those servants, who are those people who are pursuing God?"

I made the comment the other day about some of you young men growing your own-training your own-spouses. How do you do that? I made mention that, when we come together in the young adults, you're the one who stands up and says, "Do you know what? We've been spending too much time eating pizza and watching movies. We need to sit down and discuss seriously what we've heard taught. What is God saying to us? How is it affecting my life?" You begin a dialog, and we begin to edify one another, and you ask, "Why don't we go out witnessing?"

Of course, people can get so legalistic and carried away, and only think about and try to propagate praying and fasting, which is good if it's being led by the Spirit. It's not good when it begins to be something to try to earn [recognition], and to show how spiritual they are, and to bring other people under the bondage of their great spirituality. Now they are being legalistic to control and judge.

So, it's all done in the Spirit. Are we walking in the spirit and not fulfilling the lusts of the flesh (Galatians 5:16)? There's nothing wrong with getting together and going on a trip to King's Dominion as a group, or an outing, or getting together for fellowship. There's nothing wrong with that, but you'll find that, in the midst of all that, there's going to be opportunity. You'll find that, at King's Dominion, or even if you go watch a movie, as you happen to be standing outside the theatre after watching something like Cars-you have to watch what you watch, amen? Put a watch over your eyes. You can't just go down there and watch any piece of garbage you want that feeds secularism, that feeds your lusts, that feeds these different areas that are going to possibly be harmful to us, especially if we are absorbing too much of it-but now you come out, and you might be standing around fellowshipping, the next thing you know you're witnessing to somebody, because our lives are the ministry. We're the light of the world. Amen? So, if we, as a group, can leave wherever it is we were, and somebody wasn't ministered to, then we're not doing things right. You can be in the world, but you're not of it (John 17:11, 16). Every place you go as a group fellowshipping, somebody ought to be ministered to. It might not even be external, it might be somebody in the group, but somebody needs to be ministered to. We need to be about Father's business. We can enjoy and socialize in the midst of that, but it begins with this kind of spirit.

Every one of us [needs] to get on this journey properly, and ask, "How do we get to know one another? How do we fellowship? How do I bump into this person properly? How do I recognize when I've been bumped into?" Some of us are being bumped into and we keep saying, "Well, can't you say excuse me?" There's such commonness: some of you are always looking this way, and the person who is bumping into you very likely could be your life's mate; but because they are so common to you, they've been around you so much, that you don't recognize the treasure that's there, because you're looking for something different. The next time somebody bumps into you, you ought to just pull them up, dust them off, and take a good look at them. "Is that really you? I was still seeing you the way we were in the fourth grade, when you kept punching me. All you're zits are gone! All those things about you [of which] I used to think, ‘Well, how come he's not Mr. Cool?' and I see now it was a spirit of lowliness and meekness and gentleness; and I want that. I don't want someone who loves himself more than me."

The people who are so attractive-the "cool dudes"-are the people who love themselves more than [they love] anybody else. The people who are putting on that kind of persona, the majority of the time, are so in love with themselves that they think they are so much better than everybody else. That's usually, of course (I don't want to get too far into the psychology of it) inferiority, and many different aspects of the expression of pride.

I don't want to get distracted-"with all lowliness and meekness, forbearing one another in love." If you want to look for a person who is going to be a life's mate, look for someone who is forbearing, somebody who is patient, somebody who loves people, though they don't meet their expectations, somebody who says, "You don't have to perform to have my love; I can endure you." "Forbearing" just means endurance. How many of you know that, somewhere in a relationship, endurance becomes a big part of it? Amen? We need that kind of a spirit in our midst.

Then he makes this statement-here's what I want to talk about: "For we are one Body and one Spirit, called in one Hope, one Lord, one Faith, one Baptism, one God and Father of all, who's above all, through all, in you all, but unto every one of us is given Grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ. And he gave gifts to men..." These are the ministry gifts in our midst: pastors, teachers, the apostles, who came and became the foundation of the church, and teach us doctrine, so we're not tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine, by secularism, by a church that is so totally inundated by the spirit of antichrist and secular humanism that it can't even be recognized anymore, leaders who say, "We're not going to do it the way the world does it; we're not going to think the way they think; we're not going to be taken in their cunning craftiness whereby they lay in wait to deceive," leaders who will stand and speak the truth to you in love, and share with you what God's Word says, so we can "...grow up into Him in all things... from whom the whole body is fitly joined together and compacted."

That's the verse I want to spend a little time on. The reason we come together is to be made one, and to be intertwined. As God is intertwining our lives as one Body, in the midst of all of this He's going to bring you a life's mate. Supernaturally, you two become one. Supernaturally, your oneness creates in us a stronger Body than when you were individuals, and "two are better than one" (Ecclesiastes 4:9). "One [chases] a thousand, and two [puts] ten thousand to flight" (Deuteronomy 32:30). As you're fulfilled in your calling, this community is made stronger. As we have children, and they're raised up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, we watch these little ones growing up. It's an amazing thing to watch these children grow up. Then they get saved, Praise God! Once they get saved, it's: "Praise God!" Amen?

One of the guys was laughing at Mike Gardner today. There's that little baby coming; of course, Mike has already got the "baddest" kid on the planet, and he's not even here yet. So Mike's telling everybody how cool his baby is going to be, and your kid better get ready: "My kid's point guard, man." He's already got it all planned out. We know with Mike's genes the kid will probably be very lethargic and... Who knows, his kid could be the second-greatest child in this next batch [Pastor Scott and his wife are trying to have a baby]. But, the guy was laughing at Mike today. He said, "The first few years of your life are going to be interesting: a little unsaved Mike!" That says it all, doesn't it? You know, it just struck home! That's scary!

You train them up and, as parents, you instruct them and nurture them and admonish them, and you don't provoke them to wrath. In other words: You don't inflict your will on them. You are the transparent leader we talked about: that means always allowing Jesus to be seen through you, to represent His wisdom, His methods, His purposes, because I'm not my own, I'm bought with a price. I don't get to choose the calling and gifts that I have. God gave them to me, and He places me in the body as it pleases (say it). And I want to tell you something: He is going to place your kids as it pleases Him. It might not please you. Whom He places in their lives might not please you, initially. What He calls them to do might not please you, initially. Guess what? God is not asking for your permission. He is asking you to be a good steward: to train them up in the principals of the ways of God, to instruct them, to nourish them, to admonish them, and to let Jesus be Lord of their lives.

This takes great humility. You're looking for that as you're in fellowship. Who are these men in our midst, ladies, who are humble and meek? Who are those who are more patient with others, and longsuffering? Vise versa, guys, [concerning] the ladies. Who is allowing herself to be knit into the body? Who are possessive and standoffish, who say, "Me and mine"? Are they going to help incorporate you, to fulfill the will of God? This is the will of God, that we all be knit together; it is not that you have your little house over here, and do your thing, and show up every once and a while to see if you can help the rest of us. We don't live to ourselves; we don't die to ourselves (Romans 14:7), as God is raising us up in this community; and He has put us here for a purpose.

We talked about the fact that we are not all there is to the Body of Christ, so you say, "Well, I know we can't marry unbelievers, but there are believers in Texas, and in California." Yes, there are. Now, listen to what people like that say: "I can go to Texas and be edified, and I can go to California and be edified." You never hear these people say, "I can go there and edify, and build, and become a part," because they are not a part; they are not a part anywhere; they are a part of their program. Can God take someone here out of our midst and move them somewhere else? Of course! [However], God said that one of the signs of the last days is that men will be running to and fro (Daniel 12:4). He correlated that with the spirit of antichrist and secular humanism. God's original intention was: Don't move the ancient landmark (Deuteronomy 19:14, 27:17). Don't sell off your folks (Deuteronomy 27:16 and Matthew 15:4-8)! God's initial purpose was not for people to grow up and run all over the world for their temporary, momentary gain. "Well, you know, because life is all about having enough money at sixty to not have to work anymore." That's not what life's about! Life is about building relationships, building roots (praise God), having places where there's family, and where generations can be taught and prepared for this day we're in. Which mind are you thinking with? That's all we're asking. It's just so easy to think about: "Well, I'll go over here and I'll go over there, and if my job..." Even though we have no intention of doing that, it makes so much sense. It's not God's initial purpose for us.

We need to start thinking generationally. I've tried to do that in the ministry. I've made decisions [concerning] things we've chosen to do, and things we've chosen to emphasize, which are going to have their greatest manifestation when I'm gone. Should the Lord tarry, somewhere down the road, there's going to be ministry going on, lives being affected, people added to the kingdom, and generations going onward. They won't even know who I was: "Who? Ah, that was some old guy who was our pastor or whatever." That's how it's supposed to be. That's life. So many of our decisions are [based] in our momentary pleasures, and whether or not this place, or that event in my child's life, or whatever, [will advance me]; this is momentary. What about generations? What about making choices for the Kingdom of God, and not our own personal pleasures?

The whole of Chapter 4 is about body ministry; it's about the fact that we are not individuals: we can't live for ourselves. So, God's working in our lives. We all know that we have much latitude to do things that we prefer, and [to make] career choices. I'm not talking about any of that; I'm not saying that God's going to make every one of us go into full-time ministry; I'm talking about the spirit. That's who we're looking for. That's who I, as a single in our midst (if I were single), is whom I'm looking for. I'm looking for the guy who continues on in this chapter, or the girl who continues on in this chapter, who has put off (verse 22) their former lifestyle, the way they used to think, the deceitful lusts of the World, manipulations, womanly wiles, seductive actions, and lust for the beauty of women.

We'll get into Proverbs and talk about that, how men are so prone to being destroyed by the physical, the outward appearances, and the power that has over men, their inability to look into the heart and the character to see the beauty of a meek and quiet spirit.

[Paul] says, "Put on the new man [verse 24], which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor: for we are members one of another." We're talking about: "How do I pursue? How do I know?" Who responds to the truth when you speak it? See what it says here: "As the body, we come together and speak the truth one to another in love, for we are members one of another." How does that person whom you think you're interested in take instruction, take counsel? Are they serving, or do they always want to be served? Guess what? If they always want to be served, if they're always special, if they are always the prima donna, guess what they're going to expect you to do? It's very important that we understand what it is we are looking for when we fellowship.

[Paul] says in verse 29: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." How gracious are those whom you fellowship with? The Scripture tells us that it's to be an unfeigned love; this can't be hypocrisy, it can't be faked, it can't be put on. But what I'm telling you is: if you'll develop this kind of character, your stock's going to go up. Anybody who is a child of light, anybody who's looking to glorify the Lord and wants the will of God to be done in his life, is going to recognize this kind of character, because this is what Paul admonishes every one of us in the body to be. "And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:"

You see, some of us are still just ticked off because things haven't gone our way, and we're critical of other people in here: "These people are all just stuck up! There's nobody in here for me. These people are all just a bunch of jerks, and they're all carnal; and here, I've been spiritual and I've given myself and I've tried to-and everybody's ignored me, and nobody likes me, and I'm going to eat a worm." And, do you know what? You might not have always gotten the proper responses. I have a question: Have you always given them? We're all growing up together. Some of us have watched different lives, and we've already checked them off: "That person: forget them! That person will never be on my list (that I don't have)!" To make a statement like that, or to rule anybody out, you know what we're doing? First of all, we're ruling out the sovereignty of God. Secondly, we're ruling out the wisdom of God. Thirdly, we're ruling out the big biblical principal of sanctification. What you're saying is: "That person can never improve. God can never make him better." Or we're devaluing his worth and saying, "The blood of Jesus did not make him a new creation." Why? "Well, because of the way they acted on Young Adult night, the way they treated me, the..." And, do you know what? That could be very real. How humble, how longsuffering, have you been to step back and say, "What's God doing in their life?" What have you done to contribute to their edification? That's what this chapter is about. Do you know what? If you don't see here what you want, then why don't you build it. Amen? If you don't see what interests you, why don't you build it? "Well, dear Lord! I'm not a plastic surgeon!" Now you're showing where your interests are: "I'm not a plastic surgeon. I'm not a fitness director. You know, that person is fat!" Hey! Fat is beautiful. I've been fat all my life. I know. We are so outward. Hey, I want to tell you something, and I've made this statement before: It's easier to lose 30 pounds than it is to build a new heart. Amen? What's inside Fatso? There might be something in there worth getting to know. Do you want to help him lose the fat, if he's too fat for you? Chase him around. We all think skinny is where it's at. Some people don't like skinny folks. Take them to Cold Stone [Creamery]: fatten them up a little bit. Do you want a little more to hug, a little more to squeeze?

It's what's inside: that beauty of the meek and quiet spirit, that beauty of the tender, gentle, man who is able to represent the power of Jesus. He wouldn't even break a bruised reed (Isaiah 42:3). He was a gentle man. I didn't say He was weak. Ask the money changers: He came in there and flipped the tables over; He took a whip and ran them out of town, didn't He? But, you see, He was jealous for the right things.

As we are looking at what Paul is saying here, I want to encourage you, as it concerns the body, and as we relate to one another, and we learn (as this chapter starts off), "to forbear one another," [Paul] says, "Because of the conflicts you've had (iron sharpened iron), and all these different things, are you going to hold them against people forever? Or are you going to, ‘let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away and be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you?'" This is how you fellowship. This is what you do. "How do I show people that I'm interested?" Become this person. Let them see you responding to others this way and responding to them this way.

I almost hate to say this because, for some of you, it might raise a little flag, which might not hurt, in and of itself. What do you do? If you're interested in some folks, why don't you get them together and ask, "What's God saying to you through this [teaching]?" Some of you are afraid: "Well, I don't want to do that because the guy might say, ‘God told me I'm supposed to marry you.'" So say, "Well, okay. What else has He said to you though this [teaching]?" because, the fact of the matter is: God isn't saying just one thing. Amen?

In the next session, we are going to ask the question, "Am I?" because the responsibility lies on the man. We don't see a lot of scriptural evidence for Sadie Hawkins Day. We know that in the Old Covenant, primarily, there were arranged marriages. It's really interesting that, as you study it out, many of the arranged marriages were just based upon the father's selfishness: a man would give his daughter away as an investment, or to try to keep peace between two tribes. Men giving their daughters away for personal benefit. You'll remember, there was a lot of polygamy taking place throughout this time. We realize that that was in natural man, and much of that was God, as we've said, expressing Himself through this time in establishing the patriarchal authority. But, at the same time, what happened was: Jesus, in speaking to the Pharisees, [showed how] God set this in order at this particular time, and then man distorted it. He said, "The handwriting of divorcement was given because of hardness of your heart. From the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:7-8). And what was "so" was "What God has joined let no man put asunder" (Matthew 19:6). What was "so" was that He made two one. There is no place for polygamy, there is no place for divorce, and there is no place for carnal parents thinking they have the control of dispersing their children for their own personal gain and pleasure, because we're bound by a stronger example than that, in who our Father is.

The perfect father image, of course, is our Heavenly Father, so we have to ask, "What is it, then, that Father wants for His children? How does Father treat His children?" Also, in fact, our spouses are not ours. Our children are not ours. Our possessions are not ours. As stewards, we're here asking, "How can I best represent the character and the love of God to my children? How transparent can I be as I teach them the principals, instructing them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?" I don't want my kids to be like me: I want them to be like Jesus, and I'm not like Jesus yet. I want to be, but I'm not, so I want to stay as transparent as I can so they can see through me to Jesus. All the good things that happen to go to them are from Jesus. It's the Spirit of God flowing through me. All this other garbage: I don't want them to have my prejudices; I don't want them to have my natural tendencies, which are destructive; I don't want them to have all of my family traits to hold these things intact. Dear God! It amazes me that God hasn't made our [clan] extinct.

So, how can I best represent how a father, a perfect father, the omniscient God, instructs His children? Does God, our Father, ever consider what we want? How do you see your Father? How do you see God? "God? No, He doesn't care what we want; He has a plan and, bless God, that's what we're doing! It's sovereign, absolutely predestined." Then you don't know Father.

We want to see a seed being raised up in our midst that understands the goodness of God and the purposes of God, that He wants to give us freely all things to enjoy, that He will entertain this prayer: "Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me:" then He looks for that spirit of faith that says, "Nevertheless, not as I will, but [thy will be done]" (Matthew 26:39). Here's what I prefer. Here's what I would like. Here's my heart and if it's not contrary to your eternal purposes, holiness, character..." "If ye then, being [carnal], know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask Him?" (Luke 11:13). He compares natural man's desire for their children to have good things, and to be pleased, and to enjoy their lives, [with His divine love]. We have the two extremes: where fathers have no input, their kids just run off and do whatever they want; then we have the dictator, and things are set forth as, "This is how you're going to do it, bless God!"

I thought it was funny, in that program I was describing to you, about this man named Force: he's sitting there on this program, his daughters are crying, and he says, "What are you crying about! Here, I've got this multi-million dollar business I'm putting into your hands, and you want to be a teacher! Where did that come from?" Then he stomps off out of the room. "I worked my tail off to build this multi-million dollar business to give it to you, and you want to be a teacher! Don't you know I'm trying to make you happy? Don't you know I'm doing what will make you happy?" And the daughter is saying, "That's not what makes me happy. That's what floats your boat. I want to be a teacher. I want to be poor. I want to be underpaid. I want to help kids. I don't want to run a multi-million dollar business." "Well, you can't be happy being poor. You can't be happy if you're not racing cars. You're my kids." There's that extreme, and then there's the man who doesn't have anything to do with his kids.

Where are we? How are we representing the will of God to our families, to our children, to our wives? We're going to talk to you-I'm headed to Chapter five, so we can see what it means to be a husband. Because, guess what, guys: this thing's on you, men. The whole [question] is: Are you ready to be a husband? "Yes, I'm ready. I am ready to be a husband. I am ready! I'm telling you: I am ready to have a bed partner. I'm ready to have someone cook my meals. I'm ready to have someone clean my clothes. I'm ready to have someone to boss around. I'm ready." Man Rule!

That's for those of you who have seen that commercial. It's a beer commercial. A bunch of guys are sitting around, football guys and some other people, and it's giving men's perspectives on things. So, the deal was: "Hey can one guy take a sip of bear after another guy?" The committee said, "No, I don't think so, because that could be like, you know, there could be saliva that would be exchanged, and that's too much like a kiss." Okay, no drinking after each other. Ugh! Man Rule!" It's an interesting perspective. Men are weird.

Men, marriage is not about having sex and a slave. "Oh, Man!" I heard one woman say, "Amen!" I don't know who it was. Those of you, who are near by her, just fan her. But most of the guys are saying, "Oh, bummer!" The reason there is no marriage today, the reason everybody's trying stuff out and living together to see if it works is because it doesn't. "But, at least we can take out what we brought into this thing and don't have to go to court." Marriage is about serving. Men, marriage is about "washing with the water of the Word" (Ephesians 5:26). Marriage is about taking responsibility to edify that woman, and to make her more Christlike, and to receive from her that which will make you more Christ-like. Marriage is, loving this woman as your own body. Marriage is being willing to give up all of your running around, your singleness, and all of the preferring of yourself, and giving consideration to someone else, investing in something that's longer lasting than your momentary pleasure and gain. Marriage is about fulfilling the will of God because it's not good to be alone. Marriage, being a husband, is about honoring the weaker vessel. Being a husband is about becoming a father, as God directs it, training up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Are you ready?

As we've taught for years (there are so many teachings we've done on husband and wife relationships): It's not about the wedding, it's about the marriage. It's not about the moment, the "twitterpation", the wedding, or the honeymoon. It's a marathon. We have too many people who still think from the secular perspective about all this wedding stuff. Now, I know the ladies will get mad. Kimberly always gets mad at me, every time we talk about these sorts of things. To me, it should be just the tent, and let's get this thing going. It's not all the fairy tale stuff. It's not about the glass coach at Disney, the flowers, and all the planning. You can do that if you want to. I'm just saying that there's so much we need to understand. Biblically, we understand that there were the ceremonies that took place. You say, "Well, you know, Pastor, they had the big ceremony in the Scriptures." Okay, go for it: invite everybody to your house for a week. If you want to go biblical, throw a party, because these [receptions] went on for some time; knock yourself out. We'll see you when you get back. The different cultural aspects, you can go [research] and see all of this. I'm off course; that's not what I want to talk about. Like I said, you can do what you want. To do that or not do it is preference. I want to make the biblical point I'm speaking toward: The real issue is the marriage, not the wedding ceremony; it's the covenant. It's the two becoming one; that's when the marriage is consummated, the covenant is cut.

The point I was going to make is this: There is so much emphasis on the hoopla that people almost don't believe you can be married without it. Two people agreeing in the presence of God, acknowledging His lordship, what God has joined together: emphasize the right thing. Examine your mind and ask, "How much am I influenced by the secular, by the cultural?" We have references in the Old Testament, and some in the New Testament, of the ceremonies and the gatherings at the bride's chamber, and the coming of the party to lead them off to the bridegroom's home. In the processional, we have the five wise and the five foolish [virgins]. Let me just remind you, marriage is a type of the union between Jesus and His church.

Marriage is for the purpose of building the church, not individual lives. Marriage is for the purpose of bringing about a godly seed, not leaving a natural heritage. As you fellowship, and as you're looking, look for people who are generational in their thinking, who are Kingdom-minded, who are humble and have servants' hearts, people who are putting away all the bitterness, and the wrath, and the anger, of their past. Listen, when you hear people talk, and see: not all of us here have been saved all our lives. Listen, and see if this person is bringing in bitterness, and bringing in scars from their family, from the past, and these different things. If they are, they'll bring that into your house.

We've said it jokingly, but I'll say it very seriously, men: Stop, and take a look at who your father-in-law and your mother-in-law are going to be, at what you're going to have to deal with for the rest of your life. I know some of you are thinking, "Oh, no! There went my hope." No, even your parents can be sanctified. Amen? Even your parents can grow, even your parents. As I look at the way we see ourselves, and the way we see ours, it never ceases to amaze me. That's why we started the teaching off tonight: "Walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness..." What am I saying? Your family isn't that much better than all the rest of us. So, it's time to step back and realize where God put you, what He's called you to do, and how He's incorporated you into the community.

We dealt with some things last night in the deacons meeting, numerous different issues. One of them was a cultural [issue]. I don't care what your culture is, you're a Christian. There isn't Jew or gentile. If you can involve yourself in cultural things that don't transgress biblical order, then knock yourselves out; otherwise, you change. I don't care how long your people have been doing things one way. And don't try to put it off on somebody else: if it's not scriptural, it's just your preference. We've had that here, in intercultural proposals that were going on, where one of the cultures was saying, "Well, this is how we do it, bless God!" And the other is saying, "No, I'm not interested in that." So, over a preference, they began to cause strife and schism, and it had nothing to do with the scriptural basis of what marriage is, or the character of the two people involved. It was just family traditions. Well, how carnal, selfish and short-sighted is that? So, you just have to analyze all these things and ask, "How secular am I in my thinking? How free am I to look at these particular aspects of Body ministry and say, "If somebody is fulfilling these [biblical requirements], we can be united, because we are united!" Amen? The point of this whole message is that we are already one. Now, find somebody to be more "one" with. That's how it works.

Father, we thank you for your Word. We just ask You to give us Your wisdom, Your strength. Help us to see.

Let me say this: We've worked for years and years and years to teach on body ministry and the care of one another, and in so many ways it's working so well. But in this one way I sit back and I say, "I don't understand. If we're so one, and so joined together, then why are there so many people still apart? If we're being intertwined, if we're being made one, if we have the same call, the same vocation, if we're seeking the same Christlikeness, and yet we have people for years and years and years and years in this fellowship who are still apart, then something is not right, there." What it is is this secular thought. It's the lust: you are looking for people to look certain ways; you are looking for people to gratify your personal preferences and lusts, instead of edifying, instead of seeing whom you can edify, instead of realizing that they can edify you. And all these things you think are the treasures, and all these things you think are so important, are nothing if you begin to look with spiritual eyes. That is what has caused us to move into this teaching. I'm saying, "Lord, we're so united, except in this one way." Has the world so influenced us? Has Hollywood so influenced us? Have our own personal lusts and selfishness so bound us that we can't see this one basic principal fulfilled in such a fairly significant portion? That's all it can be. Ask yourselves now, as you fulfill this Ephesians passage, as your being intertwined, as your lives are coming together, "Why is it, then, that I won't follow that one next step to see it done to an even greater degree, to where I will be more capable of ministering and caring for others as I'm made stronger by two becoming one." It's a very real question. Let Father answer it in your life.

Let's stand before the Lord, and we'll just minister to Him tonight. "So, Pastor, are you saying that the first person who comes up, I should just go ahead?" I'm not saying that. There are requirements here. Is he a servant? Is he tenderhearted? Is he kind? Is he [showing] love? If not, watch [him or her]. If he is approaching you, [asking about] these different [areas], he's wanting to become that way. Speak to that brother or sister, speak the truth in love.

This isn't going to happen, but if someone comes to you tonight and says, "You know, I've been hearing the teaching; it's really got me thinking and I just really would like to have you for my life's mate," your response shouldn't be, "Bah! Are you kidding? Get out of here!" If your answer isn't "yes", then your answer should be something like this: "You know, I'm open to whatever God has for our lives; but because we've been around here together for a long time, I've seen some things in your life that I would like to see changed. If not for our coming together, then for whomever it is God has for you." Then, of course, we speak the truth in love, and we're kind one to another, and tenderhearted. We give them instruction as to what will edify and make them better. You grow your own; you build your own. You speak the truth; you edify; you reprove; you rebuke. If you don't see what you like, build it.

If the physical comes into this at all, you're on the wrong page. It could become a part of it; there's nothing wrong with it, if it's all in one package, Praise God. Thank God for the bonus! That physical [appearance] is going to change, somewhere down the line. Don't be so shallow. Be ready to hear what the Spirit of God has to say to you. All things being equal, there will be one who stands out to you, and you'll say, "Well, [all] their characters are all right, but that particular one: for some reason I just enjoy being with him a little more than the others." They have the same character? Then by all means, go with the one you enjoy. Spirituality isn't, "Well I really enjoy that one so I guess God wants me to have this one." No! He wants you to have the delight of your heart, but not the lust of your heart. Have ears to hear what the Spirit says.

Gary, play for us, please. We'll just let the Lord minister to us. We've covered a lot of ground, and have a lot of things to consider. The dads took another beating tonight; it's good for you. What a high calling you have, men. What a serious role you're in. You can't just make decisions on a whim. You represent Jesus. Know that you have the mind of Christ. You men, who are interested in some of these women, when you approach them, know that you have the mind of Christ. When you stand before them, and you ask them to be your life's mates, you're basically saying this, "Follow me as I follow Christ. You follow me, and you're getting to heaven." If you can't say that, you're not ready. I'm talking about a spiritual condition. I'm not talking about natural maturity. I'm not talking about gifts. I'm talking about someone who has a heart for the Kingdom of God, and is pursuing God with all of his heart. You love Jesus; then He can love through you.

Let's sing it together, and just worship Him tonight. Hallelujah!

"Open our eyes, Lord..."

Oh, we love You, Lord! Hallelujah!

Father, we just want to see Your best in our lives. We want to see this Body strong. We want to see a generation being raised up that will herald Your name, that will not shrink at the world's system and the fiery darts of the enemy, a generation that will stand up against the spirit of antichrist and do it Your way, a people not seduced, a people strong enough to be in the world and yet, not be of it.

Some of you who are coming out of the world (and we're dealing with generations), your children have been raised in a different environment. They've been raised among a people whom you weren't raised among and, believe it or not, sometimes, if there's some conflict, you still have some of the old things you're dealing with. You still have some of the secular in there. Your kids might not. It might worry you that they don't see things the way you see them. Step back and ask, "What is it that isn't scriptural?"

I'm talking primarily about those who have been raised here and this is the only environment they've known. They've watched, and they've looked around, and they've seen brothers and sisters, and they've seen lives grow up, and they've seen people get married, and they see another generation, and that's what they know. Some of these kids are now having kids, and I'm excited. I'm excited to see what some of these new babies are going to be, being of kids who have grown up knowing nothing else. I think we have something good going. I think there's some strength being generated. I think there's a redeeming of all of the scars so many of us have experienced out there. Now we are two generations removed toward purity, and toward holiness, and toward the Kingdom of God, and it's getting better. Praise God! It's no time to go back. We're excited about that.

Make it real for us, Father, we ask in Jesus' name; amen.

Before you go, turn to somebody next to you and say, "We're one body." Amen. Go in peace. God's love go with you.

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