Bible Teaching

Calvary Temple Teaching Library

Two Become One Q&A

We're going to take some time to deal with some questions and address some of the topics we're going through. There are so many practical aspects that we want to make sure are getting dealt with. It's been a few services now, and we'll see what we can do to answer questions that I'm sure have arisen in some of your minds. If the other pastors will come on up, we'll get ready to take a look at that. We'll try to address these as we go along.

As they're coming, let's turn back to Ephesians again and take a look at that one aspect. You'll notice that almost every service we've gone to Ephesians and looked at this basic principle of the oneness of the body of Christ and that our reason for being in the body is to bring mutual edification one to another. Interpersonal relationships, marriages, and choosing life mates are just for the purpose of continuing to enhance this process-to make us stronger and to be able to bring glory to God. It's a natural byproduct of koinonia, of fellowship.

Do you remember how the study started? It started on the very central topic that we've been addressing for years and years now, and that's the fact that there are only two wisdoms. There's the wisdom that's from above, and there's the wisdom of this world, which is earthly, sensual and demonic. We saw how most of us think that we're free from this world's wisdom, and yet the majority of us here have been raised under the thought process of Western civilization, which is relatively a new thing. We went back and looked at Socrates and some of the other Greek philosophers and where western thought began. We've seen the evolution of it throughout Europe and then into America. We seem to think that's how all people think, that everybody thinks the way we think. The world doesn't think how we think. We've seen that Western thought (or "secular humanism," as it has developed in our society) opposes the wisdom of God. It's foolishness to the secular mind, this wisdom that we are walking in.

We talked about how most of you responded when we asked the question, "How many of you are absolutely comfortable with your fathers picking out your life's mate?" Horror came across the faces of most! Yet, we saw that was the biblical methodology, but because of our western thought, it would never even enter into our minds. So, we asked the question, "Why don't you trust your parents, and why don't you trust God?" What is it about western civilization, western thought, and American ideology that you think is smarter than God and smarter than the historical roots that the Word of God is founded in? We're trusting in secularism far more than we think. We'd like to say we trust God, but we really have to come to deal with the fact that we don't.

We talked about the "non-existent list" that so many of us have and how we've created them because of our freedoms and our liberties as Americans. We plan our own ways, and we've seen that, in the wisdom of God, the heart does devise its own ways. But God orders our steps, and we have to be subordinate. We said there's nothing wrong with having personal preferences. "Lord, if it be possible [and then what?]; nevertheless, not my will, but Thy will be done." God has no problem with your stating preferences. "Lord, I'd really like to make a hundred million dollars a year, if it's Your will." Does anybody else want to get on that list with me? As I'm asking that, however, I must know the dangers of riches and all of the different aspects. So, I study the Word to know the wisdom of God, but I do have preferences.

We saw how so many of us are approaching relationships, not only with western thought, but with a pagan mentality. We say little token phrases like, "Well, whatever God wants," because we're afraid to say what we really want, because we "know" that our Father will give us the exact opposite of what'll make us happy. As do pagans, we really believe that God's out there to keep us under and punish us, when the Scriptures say that it's your Father's pleasure to give you His kingdom, and He gives us richly all things to enjoy. God wants you happy, man! He wants you to trust Him and believe that. And through our obedience we become mature sons, and He's able, then, to put His kingdom into our hands. That's when we can begin to follow our thoughts, because they're His thoughts and not secular in their origin.

As we've touched on all these different topics and tried to identify where we are, they all come back to this Ephesians passage again. Ephesians, Chapter 4, verse 16 says, "From whom the whole body fitly joined ["framed," or "to be organized or set in proper order"] together and compacted ["united, knit, made one"] by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love." We're all placed as it pleases Him, the Scripture says, and we're given gifts so that we can mutually edify one another as it pleases Him. We build one another, and we discover what our roles are for the welfare of those that are around us. In the process of that, we find someone who's on the same course we are, whose gifts compliment ours, who makes whole, and who causes us to increase in our effectiveness in the body of Christ. We choose a life's mate, because it's not good for man to be alone. We need that companionship, and two are better than one.

It's the exact opposite of Hollywood's version of love, of all of the romance novels, of all of the movies with the white picket fences, and all of this fantasy that goes on. In fact, marriage is difficult at times. It's difficult to be part of a family and to live together. There are conflicts that have to be resolved, and you're not always going to see things the same way. There are members in the body that have been called and placed as it pleases Him that are subordinate to others, as the husband is the head of the wife. So, we've shared with you women, don't sign off on this thing and go into a relationship if you don't realize what your role is. Your role is one of subordination. It's very important to understand that. Again, it's not like all of the little child's Prince Charming dreams. It's becoming a help meet. It's not setting your own course and having your own agenda. It's helping your husband in the course that he's on and in fulfilling what God has called him to do. When two lives are complimenting each other, then it is God's will for you to be on that course, because you've been united and two have become one.

These are all things that we have to think about. And in the process, Paul says that as you're considering these things, you might consider just staying single, which is better. But for the majority, that's not practical, and it requires a supernatural grace and gifting to remain that way. So, the conclusion is that the majority of us are going to get married at some time. So, whom are we going to marry? We're going to give you the names tonight. We're going to just put them all in a hat!

As God's ordering your steps and working in your lives, the real question is: are you amenable to the will of God, or are you still set on a course of your own? Has your mind concocted a dream, a course, or secular requisites that are not biblical requisites? Then very likely-and I can point out examples here among us (some more so than others) of people who got exactly what they wanted, and it didn't turn out to be what they thought it was. There are others who have supernaturally, because of just desiring-and when I say "supernatural," I'm not talking about spectacular or spooky-just God bringing lives together. And they say, "Oh, okay. Yes!" They're just fulfilling the will of God and are happy, because it's impossible for two Christians to come together in covenant, who both love God, and not be able to be happy, and live together, and be productive for the kingdom of God.

As we've looked at these different aspects, we've talked about how Hollywood says, "No, you couldn't do that. You have to have some kind of chemical eruption." We said that would be going backwards. (We referred to that this morning.) You don't start with eros and phileo. You start with agape, and the others are natural consequences. Hollywood would say, "That's got to be so inferior. When the Bible says that Isaac loved her, surely it was an obligatory love. Surely it was a feigned love." We can't have feigned love of the brethren. We're admonished that way. We can't have feigned love one for another. It has to be genuine love. It has to be a love that agrees with, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man would lay down his life for his friends." It has to be a love whereby we would prefer the good of the other. It's not, "Well, I'm making a faith confession here. I love you. I'm calling things that are not as though they were!" It's supernatural. Those are the things that we have to pull down-that secular, Hollywood nonsense. "The Earth moved!" Well, it is reeling like a drunk man, awaiting the day of redemption. Maybe the Earth did move, or maybe you had some chemical reaction when you saw that one, but I'd rather have Heaven move! These are the things that we've addressed.

Are there any questions to this point that we didn't cover in the last session or that have come up? We'll address some of those if we can.

Oh, yes. We began to talk today about the physiology. We haven't gotten into the marriage part of it, but we started into it this morning. And we made the comment that a Christian's body is never his own. We're bought with a price, and our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. When you get married, it's still not your own; it becomes your spouse's. The husband's body is not his own; the wife's body is not her own. We don't have any say over it; the other person does. That is how we relate to one another. Again, it's distinct, separate thought from what secularism has to say. So, those are few of the things, and I think that brings us up to date.

Are there any questions?

WOMAN IN CONGREGATION: I know that you touched on it briefly once or twice, and you had alluded to talking about it later, but you were about to speak on giving your heart away before cutting a covenant. I was wondering if you could go into that a little bit more. How can we guard against that? Or if we realize that we've done it, how we can fight against that?

PASTOR SCOTT: That's a good question. A lot of that has to do with these principles we were talking about in Ephesians-the Scriptures that I made reference to just a moment ago concerning the relationships that we have with one another and how important it is to recognize that we can't prefer any one member of the body above another. We're not respecters of persons in any way in our midst. So, we're not to begin to show preference or to put a greater value on one member above another. The Scripture, as we said earlier, talks about having unfeigned love one toward another. It's not a pretend love; it's a real love. The moment that we begin to be smitten with somebody else and in our hearts value that person to a greater extent-whether they're even aware of it or not-we've begun to make a covenant. Remember, a covenant is a coming together like Jonathan and David. Do you remember the statements that are made over and over in the book of Samuel? "Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because [Jonathan] loved [David] as his own soul" (1 Samuel 1:18). That's quite a statement, isn't it? I was just reading that the other day, as I was meditating on love.

Turn to 2 Samuel for just a second. In 2 Samuel 1, there's an interesting statement. We know the choices that Jonathan made to protect David and then here's this statement, beginning in verse 25. "How are the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle! O Jonathan, thou wast slain in thine high places. I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. How are the mighty fallen, and the weapons of war perished!" In the secular thought of today, they're trying to put David and Jonathan off as homosexuals. It just shows where people's thought processes are-on erotic love (eros). They have no clue what agape love is. So much of the natural love (the eros love, the relational love) can be great when it's in order. But listen to what's being said here. When Jonathan says, "passing the love of women," he wasn't talking about the physical. He was talking about a covenant, a love that's in God, and a commitment for the purposes of God. He's putting in proper perspective what that natural love is and how much greater a spiritual love and a covenant of purpose is. They head cut that covenant. Remember, Jonathan was a prince, and David at that time was a son of a shepherd, a sheepherder. Jonathan took all of his princely garments, as a type of our regeneration and son-ship, and gave them to David, and they became one. That's the love that we're talking about-a love here that goes far beyond and transcends the physical. That's the love that is available. When that love is in place, none of the natural has anything to do with it. It's a covenant.

You've given your heart away when you're in that place that we talked about this morning when we said it's not good for a man to touch a woman. Anything you've done by way of verbal commitment or by flattery, to where you're setting extra worth upon someone before you're ready to establish covenant-that's the dangerous thing. You don't want to go around talking about who you like, etc., because it's causing a commitment and a separation in the body that can be harmful. I think that's important.

Jeff, were you going to share?

PASTOR HEGLUND: One of the things that stands out to me about guarding our heart is the role of parents and other people with experience around us. Even as you've been sharing with us the different traits of a good spouse, it's also very valuable to build into your children, from a very young age, that trust and the ability to communicate, to where they can come to you. It's such a blessing to see the fathers caring for their sons and daughters by being involved, because that's a great safety. It's great safety if you can be open and in the light with your parents. Some of us don't have our parents here, but we have spiritual authority, such as deacons. Just be honest with where your heart is and share your hearts about things that are going on. Parents should be involved in their kid's lives (whether they're youth or young adults) asking, "Hey, what's going on? Where were you guys?"

That's something that you, Pastor, were very good at obviously. We would come in from hanging out on a Friday or Saturday night, and you would ask that of all of us. And I'm sure that when we weren't around, you were asking your kids more personal questions. "Well, what did you talk about? What did you do? Who were you hanging out with?" You're just watching to see who your kids are drawn to and, hopefully, having that relationship to where they're free to share. "Man, I've really been liking so-and-so. I like to hang out with them. I appreciate their character, and they're building me up." Then as a parent, you can be there to make sure that it's not a thing to where they're giving their heart away. It's not grilling or anything else like that. It's just guiding them through that time to where their trust is in you. And they don't have to do things like trying to manipulate situations or saying they're involved with this person.

If they do happen to do something like that, you help them to deal with their emotions. Because, as you said-in dealing with the areas of eros and as you went through Proverbs 7 this morning-they can't handle that stuff. They don't know how to handle it. They don't have experience in those matters, but their parents and their oversight do. Just feeling free to share our lives is such a help and such a blessing to watch! Because it's going to happen with all of us, that we're attracted to somebody, and maybe they're attracted back. Then there's an interesting time of walking this out. "Are they the one? Maybe they're not the one, but just how do I keep from building those emotional bonds too early, from giving my heart away in the way that you're talking about?" That covenant, I think, is a real practical way that we can look at it.

I've been blessed watching some of the parents here as I hear counsel that's being given to some of the young adults. They're so attracted, but they're talking to their parents about it, and he parents are able to help. "Don't go this far. Don't do this. This is something that I did." They're able to have people come over to their house so they can still be around them. But it's not a thing to where they feel they have to manipulate the circumstances.

PASTOR SCOTT: Remember what we said about having preferences, or people that you're attracted to, or people that you prefer. We said you know when you've gotten to the place where you've given your heart away, or when you've gone beyond that, when you can't pray, "Nevertheless, Thy will be done." It's when you feel that twinge when somebody else is talking to them. There's a twinge of possessiveness or jealousy to where you begin to despise that brother or sister, because now he or she is dealing with your property. It's when you're ensnared in the distraction of thinking about that person, and planning how to manipulate, and daydreaming. You're missing out in prayer, and you're not hearing the voice of the Lord because you're constantly distracted. Those are practical ways of knowing. "This thing's out of control. I've gone beyond and given myself to this." And what you have to be careful for is this. Some of you will be saying, "But, this is God, because it just won't go away. So, it must be that person." You're being answered according to your idols. You need to be very careful that you'll sit back and have ears to hear. And though you have a preference toward some, put equal value on all.

As we saw in Proverbs, Chapter 5, this morning, why would you embrace the bosom of a stranger? That person is a stranger until you've made a covenant with them. You can't have that commitment or desire toward that person until there's a clearing in the heart and mind of God and you're ready to make that commitment. When there is commitment made in a betrothal, engagement is as binding as marriage. You had to give a divorcement for an engaged couple. In our secular realm today, there are people who have been engaged three or four times. They have the dilemma, "Do I ask for the ring back, or not?" (That was never a dilemma to me!) The world goes through this continually. You're engaged; you're not engaged. You're in love with this person; you're in love with that person, and next week it's this other person.

I asked the question the other night, "How many of you remember your first love?" Most of you raised your hands. "How many of you remember your first real bout of puppy love?" And most of you could remember that. It's a real thing when you give your heart away. It's something to be guarded, and it's not yours to give, is what we're trying to say. You're not your own; you're bought with a price. Glorify God in your body and your spirit, which are the Lord's. Those are a few practical things to recognize whether you've gone too far. If you have, just back off and say, "Lord, I just want to seek the kingdom first, and I know that You have this as Your desire for me," and rest in that.

Someone told me the other day that what spoke so clearly to them was the passage out of Genesis, "...and [God] brought her unto the man" (Chapter 2, verse 22). If you'll really believe that, and rest in that, He'll bring that mate for you, because it's His will. It is God's will to bring you someone, because it's not good that man should be alone. And if it's not God's will, if there's an exception to that, it will be very clearly manifested to you, and the grace will be given to walk in that gift. Otherwise, that's God's will, so you can rest in that.

Are there any other questions?

MAN IN CONGREGATION: Pastor, on one hand I hear you say until there's an engagement, we're all just friends. We should not prefer one over the other, and we're just brothers and sisters. On the other hand, I hear we're not to be afraid to show interest and throw our hat into the ring. Someone asked the question, "How do you show interest without becoming a stalker?" And you said, "It's only stalking if they don't like it." So, I'm hearing, it seems, two extremes; but I know it's not. Could you speak to that a little bit?

PASTOR SCOTT: The very word you chose, I think, is part of it. We're not saying don't show an interest. You're going to have interest, and you can even show it, as we said, by getting more familiar, by being around people, etc. However, you can't isolate, separate or, at that juncture, place greater value in the way you respond and treat people even though that's your preference and your interest. That's where that fine line is that we've been talking about. Once we do, then we've created potential strife. There are cases that we've dealt with here with people who are close, and they know that one guy prefers this particular girl. So it's, "Man, this is my buddy, and it's been that way for a few years." The wrong approach has created that. Neither individual at this juncture is ready to make that type of commitment to covenant, and yet boundaries are already drawn in their minds. We have to be able by faith to realize, "Okay; that person is interested, but so am I. So, what makes their interest supercede my interest?"

We talked about the "stalking," and we said that we use that as just a term, meaning you're bumping into these people, you're where they are, etc. As brothers and sisters, there's no problem in stating to the other person if they're in a place that you think is over the line. You could say, "It's obvious that you've been around a lot, but I want you to know that I've taken note, and this isn't the time." If it's over the line. You don't just blow people off the first time they show up, thinking, "Well, he's not on my list, so I'll write him off." I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about, as brothers and sisters, being able to speak the truth to one another in love to mutual edification. And when somebody goes over the line, or when someone's being presumptuous, we should speak toward these things and try to bring some edification. Be kind, be gentle, be tenderhearted-all of these things. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Hopefully, all of those principles are what we're emphasizing.

Make sure that you're hearing very, very clearly what we're saying, and that is: you cannot separate or be possessive. You have equal access to everybody in the body of Christ. There are some you're going to prefer over others, and that's fine. "Nevertheless, not my will, but Thy will be done." Those are the basics, I think, that'll keep us healthy and keep Ephesians alive in our midst. Be jealous of that. Be jealous of that community. Be jealous for the body of Christ. Be jealous for our unity and oneness here, and don't let these secular, temporal things pull us apart. Prefer one another. Those are all things that'll get us a lot of miles.

Did that answer your question? Are you sure?

Remember, it's not that, "Okay, man; this teachings going on, and I've got a week to get married!" That's not what we're trying to do. We're trying to create an environment, not a deadline. But the good ones are going fast!

I'm just so pleased to hear so many of you saying, "I just want God's will." Some of you think, "I don't know if I'll ever be ready to assume the responsibility of another person's life, and being the head of a house, and assuming the priesthood, and washing a woman with the water of the Word. I'm probably going to be 80 probably before I'm ready!" Then we talked to some of you who are 80, and you said, "I've been independent for so long that I don't know if I could relate to somebody." The grace is there to do both, and that's what we've been trying to share. I think it was a blessing the other night, as the Lord ministered that to us. Just realize that with the call comes the grace to fulfill it, and that's an exciting thing!

MAN IN CONGREGATION: I was just giving some thought to something as you were sharing, and as a married man for the last eight years now, it doesn't necessarily apply to me any more. You were drawing out the principles about making your own spouse by seeing things and taking the initiative to speak into one another's lives. I was wondering if maybe you could develop that a little more, because I heard loud and clear what you were saying. As we speak into one another's lives with the motive of seeing them made more like Jesus, they will be a better spouse. But you're not to look at your list of girls (or guys) that you're interested in and say, "Well, that wouldn't make her a good wife for me, so I've got to speak to that!"

Maybe you could tell us some ways that we could see red flags go up if we're not doing that in a way that honors the Lord, or we're not clearly understanding the principle that you were trying to bring out, and how it would be dangerous to start operating like that.

PASTOR SCOTT: That's a good point. Jeff, I know you and Steve could speak toward this. What he's saying brings up a good point. When we talk about building your own spouse, we're definitely not talking about focusing on one person and saying, "Hey, don't bother me, the rest of you! I'm building a wife here, man!" We're talking about building them all, because you don't know which one it is yet. You might think you do, but you don't know yet which one it is. So, when we talk about building your own, you're speaking spiritual principles into this koinonia, in this community. You're looking for people who are responding biblically. You're speaking toward those things and seeing who responds with, "Oh yes, praise God!" We're talking about building the whole body equally, because that's what Ephesians says. We're building the whole body. Now, out of that, then, one will become your life's mate. If you can build them all, your percentages are going up! That's a good thing to do, too. Don't be evaluating every brother or sister when your fellowshipping with them saying, "Oh, okay; they're off the list!" Speak toward those things, and don't look at it selfishly. You're just primarily trying to help every one of your brothers and sisters get to heaven and become more like Jesus. In the process of doing that, God will put one of those people into your life. You're not doing it selfishly to try and build yourself a wife. We're building the body of Christ, and out of that, we get a wife. I think those are the things that are very important to address.

Does that help some? Jeff, do you or Steve want to comment on that?

PASTOR HEGLUND: That's one of the points that really blessed me and that we've spent quite a bit of time on with the youth recently. I've been really blessed to watch many of the youth putting it into practice. They're taking time not to, "pick out the ones that I like." I'm just trying to encourage them that, with all of us, there's so much change that can take place if we're trusting the Lord, and not getting in a hurry about our list, or those types of things. I mean, so much changes, especially for the youth. So much changes even physically and, we know definitely, spiritually and socially. We're looking, especially some of the seniors this year, to really put into lives-not just for the purpose of making sure that there are good people to marry later on, but really caring with the Ephesians 4 principles of being there to protect their emotions. One of the points that we've been going over is what true fellowship is, based on the word "koinonia" and having all things in common.

As Pastor's always admonished us, we should be able to leave a school day or a Friday-night gathering, or wherever people are, and feel like, "I'm a part; that's my family! These people care for me, and I'm one with them. I know if I've got a need, I can go to any one of them." Working that in people, I think, is so important; because then they grow up, and they want to contribute back. "Look at all that has been and is still being put into me." We're also having the spiritual care to protect others' emotions. It's not just Dad's job and Mom's job. We're watching and caring for each other as brothers and sisters and are being able to speak into one another's lives.

I've seen a great improvement in that with the youth and want to give them some credit, because we've talked about that here publicly a few times. They're willing to stand up and help their friends out, and not be afraid and make it this huge deal of, "Hey, man! It seems like you're getting a little too close over here," or "You're always sitting with this person." It's just been a blessing to watch that spreading around. It's so easy for all of us (I know I catch myself) to get caught up in our lives and not realize how much people are hurting. This person's lonely; this person doesn't have a clue how to behave socially (maybe their parents didn't know); or whatever else. Some of us are better at that than others. And we're to just love them, and care for them, and see what needs are there. Part of it is just forbearing and putting up with one another.

PASTOR SCOTT: Just to reiterate another principle, too. Remember what we're talking about when we make reference to the Scriptures that say the woman was made for the man, not the man for the woman; the man is the head of the woman, etc. We're not talking about males and females. The males are not superior and can tell all the females among us what they're supposed to do. These verses are making reference to a covenant couple, a husband and wife. It's not talking about the males and females. Males are not greater than females. Husbands have greater authority than wives, and wives are subordinate in their roles. So, that's something to help you when you're building your wife. You're not just in here setting all these ladies straight. You'll find out real quickly!

Steve, did you have a comment?

PASTOR GARDNER: I was just going to make a quick comment about what you and Jeff were just sharing, especially the part about not building up just for the purpose of finding a wife or a husband. That's going to happen. But you find out after you're married that if you go about this the right way, that body that you've been building up you're going to need, because you two aren't going to make it by yourself. God didn't bring you together so that now you're just a husband-and-wife team. Sure, you know that you're part of the rest of us. But you think that both of you have been equipped to make it without the rest of this body, and that doesn't happen. What you've been building up doesn't only provide a wife for you. It provides an atmosphere for both of you to continue to grow, not only in that relationship, but in relationship with Father. Then when you're fruitful and multiply, you find out you need this body even more; because you can't possibly raise whatever number of children you have by yourselves, the husband and the wife. It can't be done.

I marvel now, being a father with two young children, and I watch what goes on out there in the world. I think, "How do these people make it? How do those people out there make it, when all they have is their daycare center and their public school (or their private school, for that matter)? In just in the aspect of raising children, how do they make it? The answer is, they don't. You have to have this [holding up his Bible] in order to make it.

PASTOR SCOTT: You can make it in their kingdom, but you can't make it in this one. You can't do it God's way. They're always having to make decisions to settle, and we can have it all, praise God! That's what so exciting about this-the peace, the joy, the love, the relationships, and eternal life. That's a pretty good deal!

WOMAN IN CONGREGATION: Pastor, as a mom who's just come out of the Western side of things, I am totally grateful. In the world we just came from, secular humanism was so entwined in our hearts and our thoughts. I knew I was a Christian, but I would read the Word and see this teaching, but not see it where I was living and in the churches I've come from. I would say, "What's wrong with us? Why are we not following what I'm reading?" Nobody was adhering to it. All the Christian counselors, including a dating seminar I went to recently in Springfield, were teaching Christians to go out and date more. "Date more; date more! You've got to find more people and get to know more people." Then as my son got saved this last year, I remember thinking, "Oh, gosh! That's what I don't want him to do most of all!" I'm so thankful for this teaching from God, because it puts a sense of protection over him that I didn't feel I could give him, because I don't have a husband who could help me. He was 23, and I thought he was too big for me have any say in his life. I thank you for giving me something to say there.

My question now is, what is my role as his mom since I'm single?

PASTOR SCOTT: What we're dealing with, of course, is all of the fruit of secular application. The divorce rate in our nation is 60 percent or more, and it's not a whole lot less among Christians. So, we have single-parent homes. Not many decades ago, Christians didn't think anything about marrying unsaved people. "I'm a Christian, and this girl's hot, and she's [whatever], and we're getting married!" The American brand of Christianity is so perverted and diluted. There's no jealousy for the holiness of God, and the emphasis is on the creature instead of the Creator. And we say, "God will understand." As we've been enlightened in our lives, now we look back at that and say, "Man! Look at the condition of the professed church and its weakness. Look at all of casualties of that!"

Now, here we are, and many of us find ourselves (for many different reasons) in places where we might be single parents. Corinthians makes it very clear that the children are sanctified by the believing parent. So, regardless of whether you're the husband or the wife that might be a single parent, it's the Christian parent that has the authority and provides the spiritual guidance for that child.

As parents, what is our role? What do we have to say? We're constantly, until the day we die, God-appointed counselors for our children. It doesn't matter what their age is or what their marital status is. You're always the parent. The Scripture doesn't change the mandate, "Children, honor your parents." There's a recognition, an honor, of your honoring God. Because of that, we have a constant right to speak the biblical principles. Now, as they get married and start their own house, we're still speaking counsel, but they're now responsible. They're going to answer to God. They now have the final say and choice as they become adults in our lives.

Parents, you've always heard this. "As for me and my house, we're going to serve God. If you're living in my house, you're going to do it my way!" Be careful about making statements like that, because that'll cause you to get rid of your kids. When they become adults, and you put that mandate on them, you might be working the exact opposite of what you really want to do. You want to keep a relationship with them. You want to be able to have input into their lives. So, make sure that you're loving them to the place to where it's not conditional. It's not, "I will love you if you do things the way I say."

To give you the example of that, look at the greatest parent of all. How many of you do everything your Father tells you to do at all times? "Then get out of My house!" Does Father do that to us? "If you're going to be in My house..." Of course there are standards, rules, and principles. But the thing that God wants is the access to continue to speak into our hearts. And because of that, He gives us repentance. He gives us the ability to come back and make things right with Him.

As a parent, your God-given right to speak into that child never goes away. "Well, he's 23 [27, or whatever] now." What's that got to do with anything? You still have a right to speak. But you've also got to realize that since he is 23 now, and not 3, there are decisions he's going to make, and they may not be decisions you like. So, what's that got to do with anything? They make a decision you don't agree with. You've given them counsel. They're going to have a consequence. Much of what parents lives are about in their child's early stages is counseling and teaching. In the latter stages, it's picking up pieces, helping to put things back together, and being there for your children-just like Father, Who never leaves us nor forsakes us. Once that confidence is placed in our children, and once we have our confidence placed in God in that way, we can rest. We give the counsel. We let them, as adults, make decisions. They live with consequences and, hopefully, they're not extreme. We're there for them, and love them, and give them some more counsel. That's the cycle we're in called "parenting." We'll never lose that responsibility of speaking into their lives.

MAN IN CONGREGATION: Pastor, you've told us times before (and it really helped) not to go around talking to "Sweet Thing" or all these ladies, looking at them as potential life mates, because it really messes you up. It really limits what God can do through you and what you can do. Just say, "I'm going to edify and build everyone up." Now, you're fellowshipping, and you're talking to some people just to be nice and then get them out of the way. And then you're moving along, and you look on your list, and "There's one of them!" It really messes you up.

PASTOR SCOTT: I think what you're saying is very important. Don't just give token attention to other people so that you can get over to "Sweet Thing" and spend some "quality time." Because "Sweet Thing" is watching you blow those other people off. She's not stupid! As you're fellowshipping, be real with people. If you've got this agenda, or you're looking for that particular one, then it creates a strain in the relationship. Because now you're not really being yourself. You're trying to present this package, instead of just genuinely being yourself. When God puts that person in your life, they're going to love you for what you are-that whole mess! (I'm not talking to you anymore; I'm talking to all of us!) That's what so great about it. That's what's so cool about love, man! It's not earned; it's a free gift. It's someone that God has chosen to become that vessel of the expression of His love and care for you. It flows through them and helps us to see Him. Those are some things that are very, very vital.

Honey, can you come up here for a second? I've had a couple of people in just the last week or so sharing with me and my wife. They said, "Could you share with more people what you just shared with me?" I thought maybe this would be a good opportunity.

Oh, let me say this, first of all; I've meant two or three times to say it. Those of you who have come over to the house and helped us with this project with the basement flooding and total refurbishing of that thing, I just want to thank all of you so much for your time. Many of you have come right after work, working hard, and staying some late hours. What a blessing! One of the blessings for me is that we're getting out of that mess so much quicker. The other blessing is just watching the fellowship go on-brothers working together and interaction. When you see that, it's an exciting thing to watch!

In the midst of that, I was downstairs working with some of the men, and my wife was up with a couple of the ladies. I came up, and they didn't know I had come up into my study. I was sitting there going over some of my e-mails and different things, and I heard her sharing with the ladies in there, and I was so blessed! I've heard the story a couple of times. Again, I was so absolutely blessed as I heard the excitement and genuineness in her voice. It's just a testimony of what we've been teaching, I think. Some of you have never heard the details of how Father brought us together and of that one particular day. I'm just going to let her share it, as she has with others in the past. And it's going to bless you, I know, because it's the fruit of what we've been talking about.

Just go ahead, as you were sharing with the guys the other day.

MRS. SCOTT: I think the preface, the beginning, would be the time-period of my life that I was in. It was in the preparations for just weeks ahead to be going over to Africa. That was going to be our first experiment with one of the young groups going over. I was going to go over and have a stint of three to six months of just sowing into the youth there just what we've been given so freely and giving back some. That's the period of my life that I was in. Also, I had started into college and had finally really decided what I wanted to do and moved into a specific degree.

We went on the young adult retreat. That day as we were getting ready to head out to the retreat, Pastor was up in the office and doing some things, and I was making some copies in the office for things that were going on. He ran into me, and there was just a casual hello, and then I left. Apparently, the Lord had wanted him to ask me at that point what the Lord was doing in my life, but he didn't really see the opportunity as beneficial at that time.

Then we were just getting into the vans, and I had walked away from a group of people that I was talking to-literally walked away to throw something away. And just then, he came up through the foyer doors, so at that point he thought, "Well, this might be the time." So, he just asked what Father was doing in my life. I shared that I just really felt like the Lord was preparing me for something in the ministry. I just didn't know what, but I felt He was preparing me. I don't even know if said "in the ministry," but just that He's preparing me in my heart to take on new tasks and new roles. That was pretty much it. I just shared that I really felt this stirring.

Anyway, we went on the retreat and Kimberly was scheduled to come up with us and got detained here for reasons I didn't know. I had mentioned to her, I think even before we left, that I wanted to get with her when she got there. So, eleven o'clock rolls around, and she finally gets there that night. I figured that it was the retreat, and we didn't have to be in bed early. So, I said, "If I could still talk to you, that'd be great." She said, "Well, I need to talk to you anyway, but first I need to talk to Jeff." I said, "Okay." She went and woke Jeff up from his tent, and about thirty minutes later, I'm still just sitting by the fire by myself. I walked down there and saw their shadows, and they were still talking. So I thought, "Well, they didn't fall asleep and forget about me!"

Eventually, she comes out and Jeff's behind her. I said, "Oh, Pastor Jeff, you can go back to sleep. It's nothing real big or important; I was just going to get a little counsel. He said, "Oh, no! That's okay." Kimberly then said, "Well, why don't we get in the car? It'd be good to have privacy to be able to share some things." I said, "Yes, that would be good. I started to share that I was just dealing with some of the growing up and becoming an adult versus having been in the youth group all my life-just some of the growth process and how to deal with those things. I could tell she was thinking, "Yeah, whatever! Just finish!" So I said, "I'll stop there." She said, "Well, we can deal with that later if we need to, but first I just need to talk to you about something. What I'm about to talk to you about, there's really no way I can ease this on to you." I said, "Okay, that's all right." And she said, " No, no, really. This is really, really big!" I thought, "How big could it be? You're going to move me from toddlers ministry to 3-year-olds or something?" It literally kept going in that vein. "No, really. This is really big! You can't really imagine this."

Then the thought went through my mind, "I'm going to Africa, and they're probably feeling that the work over there might need more than the work here, so there's no need for me to come back at this point. So, they're just going to send me and say, ‘When the Lord wills, you'll come home.'" That thought went through my mind, and I thought, "Okay. If that's it, I can see that's pretty big, but I think that'll be fine. I'll deal with it." The next thought that came to my head (as she continued to say, "No, really! I can't break this to you any easy way") was this. "Pastor Scott needs a wife." Immediately I thought, "Whoa! Where'd that come from? That's so prideful! Why would you even think of yourself or consider that someone would come and talk to you about that? What's that have to do with you?" So, I pretty much cast that thought down, thinking, "Where did that thought come from?" Now, I know where it came from!

She began to say, "It has to do with serving the priests in the community." I thought, "Okay, so it's not Africa. I'll be cleaning the church, or cleaning the pastors' offices specifically, or Pastor Scott's house maybe. She said, "No, it has to do with serving the high priest. There's no other way to say it. My dad feels that the Lord has spoken to him (and he's spoken with all of the other pastors) and believes that you're supposed to be his wife." After the blank went through my mind of total shock, and I picked my jaw up off my lap, I just said, "I'm so humbled. "Humbled" was the first word that came to my mind and out of my lips before I could think again, because who am I? I Just sat there for a few minutes, and now by this time I figured out why Jeff was in the back seat like this [leaning forward listening intently to the conversation]. He's usually never really that interested in girl talk!

Then we began to talk about more of the specifics of how this came about, and I realized that all the pastors felt that this was the Lord. And she said, "My dad wanted me to come to you, because he didn't want you to think that this is for sure God's will, and you need to listen to him as your counselor, and if you don't do this you're not accepting the will of God." Of course, knowing Pastor and his love and care for us, that fit right in. He said that he didn't want me to be pressured in any way, and if I just wanted to tell Kimberly, "No," it would be a lot easier than looking at Pastor and telling him, "No." That was his thinking. I said, "Well, I just really feel I need to hear from the Lord on this one. I know that when you hear from your counselors, that's one of the ways you hear from the Lord, but this one's over me. I just really don't have an immediate peace about it, and I need to hear for myself." She said, "I need to call my dad, because I was supposed to tell him what you said so he can try to go to sleep. Do you want to talk to him?" I said, "Sure, I'd love to."

As all of you know, at the retreat there's negative cell phone reception. So, we went down to the nearest little pay phone, and I talked to him. He just wanted to let me know that his care for me and love for me would never change, and this didn't have to be pressure. No one else would have to know and be pressuring me or whatever. My relationship with nobody would change. I could say, "No," and this thing would be eased out of, and he would help me to readjust to normal thinking and my head clearing. I said, "I appreciate that. I just need to hear from the Lord myself."

We went back up to the camp, and then I was in my tent with my flashlight on and reading. Probably about two or three in the morning, my tent mate peeks out her head and says, "Are you okay?" I said, "Yes, I'm just looking for something. I need to find something in Scripture. Just pray for me." She went back into the tent, she told me later, and prayed, "Please Lord, please let her find whatever she's looking for, because I really can't sleep with that flashlight on!" Unfortunately, that night I never did find it. The next morning, I was serving oatmeal, and Kimberly came through the line and said, "How are you feeling?" I answered, "I'm not at peace; I just don't know."

We had our meeting that morning and split up into our groups. Everybody had shared, and my group leader said, "You haven't shared anything. That's really not like you." I said, "Please, you're going to have to excuse me this time. Just please excuse me." That's all I could say. He said, "Okay; but that is not like you." About that time, Kimberly walked by and said, "Do you want to come, get away a little bit, and we would talk about this?" I said, "Please!" and jumped up and ran. We went actually at that point and called Pastor again. Kimberly said, "She's still not at peace; she's just not sure." He said, "Well, would it help if I just came up there to the retreat site to help her transition out of this? Because it's obvious that either she needs more time, or it's not Father's will. And that's fine." I said, "Yes, that would be great if he could come up."

So, he was coming up about an hour's drive, and about halfway through that (probably about a half-hour later), the Lord-I had been praying the whole time, and finally the Lord spoke to me, and it wasn't just a one way conversation anymore. The Lord just said, "Have you ever held anything back from Me?" At this point what was going through my mind was, I finally had my career picked out, and I was going through my schooling to finally get that certificate, and I had my plans just like every other young person. Marriage was in my plans, but it was a couple years down the road in my thinking. But I said, "No, I've never held anything back from You, Lord." He said, "This is My will. What more do you need?" And I said, "Okay!" It was quicker than you could flip a switch on the wall and the lights come on that there was a peace, a joy, a contentment, and a love. At that point, he was a half-hour away too far! All of a sudden, I couldn't wait until he got there!

He got there, walked in the door, and, of course, at that point I was standing at the door waiting, because we heard his car pulling in. I walked up, and I gave him a big hug, and I could see the confusion on his face. It's as though he were thinking, "Wait a minute! I was coming here to talk her out of this!" We went inside, and he literally started to talk me out of it. Kimberly said, "Well, Dad, don't you think that maybe you should ask her yourself?" I guess she had seen the change in me and had seen the light switch go off. So she said, "I asked her to marry you, but you haven't really asked her yet." He said, "Well, okay; I'll do that." So he did, and I said, "Yes, I believe that this is Father's will for me." I could see the triple-take, like, "What?" That wasn't what he really was expecting to hear from the conversations that we had. I said, "I'm at peace, and I know that this is Father's will. And there's nothing more I need, or we need to talk about, or I need to know, because I know it's Father's will." He said, "Well, we need to talk to your dad, I guess," because we hadn't gotten that far yet. Of course, in my mind, I knew that wasn't going to be an issue.

That night, he had the deacons' meeting. I had to leave part-way through, and all of a sudden there was this great strain! I didn't want to leave, because I had gotten to be with him now for a few hours. I had to leave, and I had to go to my own bed to sleep that night. But, of course, I didn't get to sleep again. It was unbelievable! All of a sudden, I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't wait until eight o'clock the next morning rolled around; because he was coming to pick me up, and we were going to do the transformation that you all got to see take place in a day.

The thing that stands out that really ties into this teaching would be just sharing the instant and supernatural love and how far beyond it goes from the puppy loves I had experienced in the past of twitterpation and whatever. I was a young adult growing up and thinking about marriage and such, but then when I knew that this was Father's will and surrendered to that-you just can't explain it. It's so far beyond any natural chemistry or the slow process of that passion that he talked about this morning. It was instantaneous and to the point that it was very, very uncontrollable. Of course, it began as agape, having him as my pastor and my overseer, and a love I had for him in that way. As we've all joked about, he was like a grandpa! We were close and part of the family.

PASTOR SCOTT: Only because her dad was my spiritual son!

MRS. SCOTT: Of course! It had nothing to do with anything other than that! Unfortunately, I would be able to get away with saying that wasn't the fact, except that he heard me telling that to somebody one day, way before we were engaged. We were at a car show, I think, and someone said, "Well, how are you related?" I said, "Well, he's like a grandpa to me." He's never let me live that one down!

PASTOR SCOTT: The reality, like she said, of that-what causes that to change in a heartbeat, I mean to where there's a genuine change of the agape love into a true phileo, passion, and excitement, except obedience, except the will of God and the reality of it? It's just an exciting thing to watch happen.

As that testimony continues, there's Steve and Dawn and what God did in that particular situation, and there's some of you. You see this thing begin to manifest itself, as in some of the younger folks here just recently. This is part of the testimony, the evidence of it. I'm so thankful she was obedient to the voice of the Lord. It may not be exactly what you dreamed. It may be a little different. (She said, "Better," and it really is!) We thank God for the ordering of each of your lives and your steps. If you'll just be open to what God has for you, it'll be beyond what you could imagine, the good things that Father has for you.

MRS. SCOTT: I was telling Pastor the other day-even just after he was sharing on the feelings, and he was saying those aren't supposed to come first, but are supposed to come after the commitment-that if my testimony in life is for nothing else other than... Because I know when we hear these teachings, we want to believe. We want to say, "I wasn't really attracted or twitterpated by them, but I'm sure God could supernaturally do it." I think we believe that in our heads, and we want to believe that in our hearts. But I don't know if I could have even said that I truly believed it's the same and that much better than that natural attraction or whatever. If my life is for nothing else than to say, "When it's Father's will, that love is so much more real, and pure, and holy, and sanctified, doing it Father's way and letting Him have His will," then it was all worth it. But I don't think there's any real way to believe that, except to just let Father do it in your hearts. There's no real way to convince someone of that, because it goes against what we've been taught by the world and Hollywood, like we've been saying. If there's nothing else other than to say, "Well, Mrs. Scott says that happens, and it's real!"

PASTOR SCOTT: It's real, is what she's saying, praise God! Amen.

Did you have anything, Steve?

PASTOR GARDNER: I was going to make a comment for people who are contemplating marriage-or not only marriage, but a lot of other decisions which are pretty significant. I can recall the day when we were together in the conference room, and you brought the subject up. You were bouncing some things off of us, and you sat there, and you thought about it. Of course, I know it's not because of where Father has brought me, but there was never a thought of, "Well, she's like this, or she's like that, or she's young, or she's whatever. And I know what he's like; I've worked with him for all these years." None of that was there. It was a matter of, "This is what-Yeah, that's right!" Then later, you start thinking about some of those things, but they're all taken care of, because God said this.

I wanted to share that for the sake of everybody who's contemplating marriage or other decisions in your life where you go to get counsel from your deacons. They always bring it back into the meetings on Tuesdays, or at times, they may see Pastor when something needs to done before a Tuesday. I know that in those meetings, when something is brought up about someone talking to their deacon about proposing or whatever, and it gets brought up in a group of that size, you usually know right away this is God or it may be at some point, but not at this moment. It's not that it never will be.

So, I just wanted to share that for those of you that may get an answer back at some point that's not exactly what you thought. "Boy, they missed God!" No, it's probably just a matter of timing, or it may not be God at all. But having the confidence, not that these men are seated there in that room and making the decisions of how your life is going to be. We're just doing the same thing, hopefully, that you're doing, and that's hearing from God. There's a great deal of safety in that. It's not a matter of, "This one's got this problem." There isn't anybody perfect in the room, so we can throw that out the window. It's what God is doing, and that's what's good.

PASTOR SCOTT: That willingness just to be a part of the body and the mutual edification.

Father, we do thank You for Your will in our lives and the leading of Your Spirit. Father, as each person among us is being ministered to, we know husbands and wives are hearing principles that will just build our marriages and make us stronger in our roles. The singles, Father, are hearing what's involved in marriage what their responsibilities are going to be. The key is just resting in Your sovereign purposes, that You order our steps, Lord, and that You're instructing us in every way. We trust in Your wisdom. We trust, Father, in the ordering of our lives, and we just want you glorified, Father. Let Your will be done, that Your glory might be seen, we ask, in Jesus' name. Amen, amen.

Well, turn to somebody next to you and say, "It's not good for man to be alone." Amen. Go in peace; God's love go with you.

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